I Hope You're Thinking of Me
by POIphantomgirl
Summary: A grieving John and Taylor struggle to put the pieces of their lives together in the aftermath of HR's fall.
1. Chapter 1

**So I know it's been like forever, but this story I want to dedicate to all of you who read Jealous Much and asked for that story to continue. Although I left that as a oneshot I started trying to think of another story I could post instead. This is an old idea that I've been writing for ages, but your comments on Jealous Much helped me work really hard on getting this story completed. I hope you enjoy it. It's a different tone than Jealous Much, but it's Careese.**

 **Just some FYI before you start. This story gave me another rare chance to blend my love for Phantom of the Opera with my love for Careese. The story's title was inspired by the song 'Think of Me' from the Andrew Lloyd Weber musical/movie and some of the chapters will incorporate pieces of the song. (Feel free to listen on youtube, I'd recommend Emmy Rossum or Sierra Boggess's version)**

 **Again I hope you all enjoy the story and thanks to every reader and reviewer in advanced. You guys are the biggest motivation to keep writing.**

 **Prologue**

Mouth dry, eyes heavy, so very heavy. Breathing labored and a piercing pain that spread throughout her body down to her bones made movement impossible. How long had she been like this? Weeks? Or worse, months?

She couldn't imagine how worried everyone was about her.

Taylor! What was her boy going through seeing her like this- clinging to life after taking that painful shot to the chest? And what about John? _Sweet_ John. He had witnessed the whole thing. Held her as the blood poured from her chest.

She needed to wake. Even if it was for a moment. She had to let her boys know she was still holding on.

But the exhaustion that oppressed her was impossible to ignore. Sleep. She needed just a little more sleep before she spent her precious energy trying to wake up.

 _Don't get weak!_ Her inner soldier demanded. _Do you know who you are? What you've done? You've fought tougher battles than this. Remember the war? Remember raising Taylor on the wicked streets of New York. By yourself! Don't get weak now. Open your eyes! Open. Your. EYES!_

Moaning she focused all her energy and every thought into prying her eyes open. A pain shot through her body from her head to her feet as light touched her sensitive pupils. Nevertheless she refused to undo her progress and kept her eyes cracked open.

"Well, well," said an unfamiliar voice. "It's good to see you Detective. We have been waiting eagerly for this day."

Curiosity to see the voice's owner gave her a new determination to remain awake as she moved her eyes slowly. Two figures came into focus. A brunette wearing a doctor's uniform. And a man, perhaps in his mid-fifties. Dark hair slicked back. Fit and tall.

"I knew eventually you would wake. Your doctor, Andrea here, had her doubts. But I refuted them. I've had my eye on you for months Detective, so I know you have fight in you. Lots of it. Enough to combat anything." He leaned to her as if whispering a great secret. "Even enough to survive a bullet that would kill most." She saw, more than felt him place a hand to her arm. "Now, try and stay calm. We mean you no harm. And you've put your body through a work out today just to come awake."

His words weren't making sense to her. Where was John? Taylor? Finch? She thought for certain she would see one of their faces first. Who were these strangers with her now?

Something was wrong. They would be here. _Nothing_ would keep them from being with her now. Something _most_ definitely was wrong! Her vision blurred as tears of panic spilled from her dry lashes.

"Please Jocelyn do not cry. I didn't mean to upset you. You are safe here. Trust me." He paused his eyes lighting suddenly. "Oh you must be worried for your son. Or your boyfriend maybe? The tall man that follows you around… in a suit?"

Joss swallowed. How did this man know about John?

Her fear must have shown on her face. "Again Detective Carter, do not worry. The man is of no interest to us. And as far as we are aware he is safe and so is your son. Listen if you promise not to excite yourself I will explain who I am and why you are here. If I upset you, Dr. Andrea will not be happy with me. Especially after all the work she has put into helping you get well."

Dr. Andrea gave the man, who still had no name, a firm look. Joss couldn't nod her head, so she simply took a breath hoping it would be sign enough that she was trying to relax.

"Very good."

For some reason his tone annoyed her. Although it was meant to be soothing, something about it was arrogant. As if he had the upper hand and knew it.

"You will call me Vince. Now as I mentioned your son and friend are safe. Grieving but well."

She frowned at the mention of them grieving. What reason would they have to grieve when she was alive?

"Detective as I mentioned I have been watching you. You are strong and skilled. I knew you could serve our purpose here well. I knew it for certain when you took down HR. You see I operate my own sort of war against crime. One separate from the government and law enforcers like yourself. Unfortunately volunteers to work for my cause are hard to come by, so I must get help where I can find it. You are my newest recruit. You now work for me and the reason your son and friend are grieving is because you are now dead to the world and dead to them. This is your new life and we are your new family."

Joss's head spun. This couldn't be. Oh God please don't let it be. John and Taylor not knowing she was alive. They had to know she was alive! But this man- Vince- just said they thought she was dead.

How could they put her son through this? And John… Oh she couldn't bear to think what he was going through.

Please God, please this has to be a dream. A nightmare. A remaining horror after her fight with HR and encounter with Simmons in the alley. Surely she did not fight that war only to end up here. Dead to the world and forgotten by those she loved. Surely Finch's machine knew she was here. Someone _had_ to know!

Standing in that alley she had been so close to happiness. Life was just getting back into place. She was about to bring Taylor back home, she was returning to her position as a detective, and she and John were working things out between them.

Her happiness couldn't be cut short due to _this_ man. This coward calling himself Vince who was now forcing her to help him.

"Now Detective you promised you would remain calm." Vince glanced at the doctor and Joss knew from the look that he was signaling her. The woman moved grabbing a needle. Joss wanted to protest but her strength wouldn't allow her to speak much less move.

"You've upset yourself and now we must help you relax again. You need not worry."

Joss felt herself getting loopy and it became harder to stay awake.

"I only want you to concentrate on getting better. That is all you have to do. Now rest."

Tears fell, but she was powerless against the sleep that pulled her into darkness. Her last coherent thought was a desperate prayer that never made it past her lips.

 _God please, don't let John forget me. Oh God please don't let my son forget me. Somehow let them know I'm still alive. Please let them think of me._


	2. Chapter 2 A Choice

**Thank you again for all the reviews and for everyone who read the first chapter. Just another FYI I made Taylor a little older in order for the story to flow better.**

 _Think of all the things we've shared and seen don't think about the way things might have been_

John pulled his coat closer around his neck as he stood outside staring through the frosted glass window into the diner. Taylor Carter sat at a booth hovered over a plate of untouched food, unaware of his presence. John was discouraged at the kid's disheartened look.

He sighed wearily.

He was trying to keep his promise to Joss. The promise he made before she drew her last breath. He was trying to be there for Taylor. He was meeting with the kid as often as possible, trying to be a stable figure in his life especially since Taylor seemed adamant about pushing his father away. John even made sure to see him graduate. But Taylor's depression seemed to only be getting worse.

John was running out of ideas on how to help him. Taylor had put off going to college to instead work part time. But close surveillance allowed John to see that Taylor was often late to work or missing shifts. Even worse he seemed to have developed an extreme interest in the remaining members of HR who were awaiting trial. Worry for where the kid was headed was starting to keep him up at night.

John took one more breath of the frigid wind before going to the door and walking in. He slipped into the booth.

"How are you doing Taylor?"

Taylor looked up briefly before again lowering his eyes. His shoulder lifted in a barely noticeable shrug. "I feel the way you look." He winced. "No offense. I didn't mean anything by that-"

John waved his hand. "Forget it." He rubbed his jaw well aware of his appearance. Unshaven, eyes swollen and red, with lines of fatigue spread across his face. John knew the kid spoke truth. He looked rough.

And even if he didn't, John would never hold Taylor's blunt words again him. He understood that grief had hardened Taylor causing him to be more direct and harsher than John had ever seen him.

"Thanks for ordering coffee." John lifted the mug and took a sip. "So why'd you call me here? Do you need something?"

"I miss my mom," Taylor said without looking up.

John's chest tightened and he instantly felt the weight of his own grief. "I know you do." He forced the words past his lips.

"It just doesn't make sense. Even with all that she did to make the world a better place, it wasn't enough. They still got her," he ground out. "It's not fair. How am I supposed to just go on with life like she wasn't ripped away from me?"

John understood. Facing each day without Joss was torturous agony. Every day remembering what he had lost, thinking of the dreams and hopes that would never be.

If it hadn't been for his promise to Joss, he might've given in and used that bullet the moment he lost her. John stared at the mug. He hated seeing Taylor caught in almost the same level of grief and despair that he felt. He had already failed to protect Joss, could he not at least ease her son's pain? "Tell me what to do Taylor? How can I help you?"

Taylor was quiet for so long, John thought he wouldn't answer. Until finally he spoke. "I want in."

John tilted his head observing the kid with a level of extreme curiosity and growing alarm. "In… on what?"

"On what you do- and don't play dumb. I know you take down guys like those dirty cops my mom took down. And I know my mom helped you. Well I want to take her place and help you. I want to continue taking down people like those dirty cops. Working with you is the only way I can keep my mom's work going. It's the only way I can make every person responsible for her death pay."

John sat his coffee down, trying to hide his shock. The very thought… Taylor working with him and Finch! "Taylor you want revenge, not to take your mother's place. Don't confuse the two," he warned darkly. "Besides your mom destroyed HR. Nothing else is left."

"No," Taylor insisted. "I do want to take her place. She spent her life fighting against criminals. Against people who don't value life. Who don't care about who they hurt when they kill. I want _those_ people. I want to fight to keep anyone else from having this kind of pain." His voice broke.

Frustrated John ran a hand through his hair. He glanced toward the window. It would have been easier if Taylor asked him for a quarter of a million dollars. "I can't help you with this."

Taylor slammed his fist on the table. "What do you mean you can't? I thought you- of all people- would understand!"

"I can't _help_ you get revenge. It will destroy you." John said staring hard into Taylor's eyes. "Take it from someone who knows."

"I told you, I'm not after revenge. I'm empty!" He leaned forward, hands splayed over his chest. "Everything I had planned for my life with school-I-I just can't do it now. All I want is to be close to my mom the only way I know how. I want to take her place. I want to work with you, the way she did. Help some and stop others."

John saw the pain in his face. The kid was lost. The responsible kid he had been when his mother lived seemed to be dying off with each passing day. Something drastic needed to be done to keep the kid from self-destructing. He was willing to do whatever it took to keep that from happening.

His fingers tapped the mug. If… he let Taylor in he _could_ keep an eye on him. _Keep_ him from becoming vengeful and full of hate. Protect him from negative influences. He might with time even be able to persuade him to return to school and pursue his initial plans. John shut his eyes. What was he thinking?

"There's another reason I can't do this," he whispered.

"My mother," Taylor guessed.

"She wanted better for you. She wanted you to be safe. To live a long life. Do you know what she would do to me if she were alive and found out I let you help me?"

"But she's not!" The words were cold and they struck John with their intensity. "That's real John. She's gone and I have to live with that every day. And even if she was here what right would she have to tell me not to endanger my life when I lost her because she was careless with hers? John please! I need your help. I don't know where else to turn."

John swallowed. He stared long and hard at Taylor. If he didn't help him John had a feeling things would not end well for Taylor. Carter's son came to _him_ wanting help. He was on his last stand. If he turned Taylor away, he would go somewhere else to get what he wanted and most likely end up hurt or dead.

John loved Carter. And in loving her, he had come to love her son. He couldn't deny his time with Taylor since Joss's death had been good for him. A part of him needed the kid and the kid obviously needed him. Maybe… this _could_ work. If they were together more, then perhaps they could help each other get through this. And they both could heal.

If he at least took Taylor in for now, he could be assured that he would be safe.

John closed his eyes dreading the moment he would have to talk to Finch about this.

Slowly he nodded. "Fine. I'll let you in. But," he leaned onto the table pointing, "we do this my way. I call _all_ the shots. The second you step out of line the deal is off."

Taylor blinked as if surprised that John was giving in. Then for the first time in months he smiled. A glimmer of his former self. "You got it."


	3. Chapter 3 No Errors

_Remember me once in a while, please promise me you'll try_

John preceded Taylor into the small apartment. Taylor's steps slowed behind John as he looked around in awe at the space that he would now call home. Finch limped in behind him closing the door.

Now that Taylor was officially 'in' on their operation, Finch and John wasted no time getting him an apartment so that he could safely do work for them away from his watchful family. John took extra precautions and found an opening in his building, so he could keep Taylor nearby.

"Well what do you think?" Finch asked still not sounding happy.

John eyed Finch as he waited for Taylor's response. It had taken some heavy convincing to get Finch to agree to let Taylor work with them. It wasn't until John convinced Finch that letting Taylor work with them was for Taylor's own good that Finch relented. However, he was still thoroughly opposed to having Taylor be part of the team and did not bother to hide his feelings.

"This is fine," Taylor said, but John knew from his tone that the place was more than fine. The kid was trying not to appear overly excited about having his own place. John was glad to know he was finally happy about something.

"You remember your cover in case your grandmother or dad asks?" John questioned.

"Yeah yeah," Taylor answered distracted, his eyes still wide and roaming. "Finch hired me to work in a special program and has given me a generous living allowance. As my employer he prefers I live on my own that way if I need to work from home I can keep work related information confidential." He looked at John and Finch then. "That sound 'bout right?"

"Yes." John took a breath. Well now that Taylor's living arrangements were in order, everything was set. They could move onto his training. He still couldn't believe they were going to do this. "Taylor are you sure about this?"

"John," he groaned. "I've already told you. I'm not changing my mind. I'm sure."

John sighed giving up for tonight. "Okay. Here's your key. The place is yours." Now the real work began. "Be up at six tomorrow."

"Six? In the morning?" Taylor asked, his hand still hanging in the air after accepting the key.

"Yes. My…associate Shaw will be working our cases for the time being while I take you through training."

"Training."

"Of course young Carter," Finch interjected. "You will not work one case until Mr. Reese has assured me that you are fit and prepared to handle the danger that may and will come your way."

"He's right. So be ready at six. Not a second after." John hoped to see Taylor waver. Maybe even request for time to reconsider his decision. But the teen straightened his shoulders and looked him in the eye.

"I'm a Carter. I don't back down from a challenge. I'll be ready at six and _not_ a second later."

John fought a groan and a chuckle. He had seen that determined look before. Joss had trained him well on that look. It was time to back down. "Fine. You're okay staying here tonight?"

Taylor's eyes again took in the space. It was big and empty. Nothing like the home his mom had given him. He clenched his jaw trying to fight his grief. This was his new start. The place was a good size, perfect for him. He could make it home.

"Yeah I'm fine."

John nodded then wordlessly pressed an object into his hand. Taylor looked down his brow pinching in confusion. "Another key? What's this for?"

"My place is upstairs. If you need anything, _anything_ at all," he stressed, "call me. Or come up."

Taylor glanced away fighting the emotion that nearly overcame him at John's offer. He didn't know why the offer meant so much. Perhaps it was because it meant John was offering much more than just the job he wanted. No John was offering to go through this with him. To not leave him alone.

"Thanks."

"Goodnight."

"Night. Night Finch."

"Goodnight Taylor."

John and Finch walked to John's apartment, Finch wearing a frown the entire way. He didn't speak until the door to his place closed.

"You know there's no turning back now," he said grimly.

"Finch he will be okay," John stated calmly. "We've taken every precaution. He lives right down from me, we can track his phone, he doesn't even know about the machine."

"I know," Finch sighed. "He's just so young. If Joss were here… I couldn't let-"

" _Nothing_ will happen to him." John would not let Finch entertain that thought. Neither of them could afford for things to go sour where Taylor was concerned. "I will die before anyone or anything… takes his life." He had to swallow the bile rising in his throat as the image of a bloody Taylor filled his mind.

"That's also what I'm afraid of." Finch turned to go.

John didn't move as Finch walked out leaving him alone in the silence of his apartment. Slowly he walked to the long window nearest his bed. His eyes lifted, taking in the sky through the glass.

"God," he whispered not able to easily pray after so many years without practice. "I… I know I screwed up… with Joss, but… please don't let anything happen to Taylor. The boy came to _me_ , don't let me fail him."


	4. Chapter 4 Teacher and Student

**Four Months Later**

 _Flowers fade, the fruit of summer fade. They have their season so do we_

Taylor hit the padded mat with a hard thump. His chest convulsed from the impact, but he refused to show any signs of weakness. Give any hint that the fall had hurt harder than he anticipated.

"You're getting better, but you have to remember," John stated coolly, "never let your guard down for one second. Your enemy is not trustworthy and sometimes a second is all he'll need."

John shifted his sweaty shirt before extending a hand to help Taylor off the floor. Taylor's skills had advanced. And in a very short amount of time. His once lean arms were now tight with new muscle.

He was doing much better than John would give him credit for. He couldn't afford to praise Taylor the way he would a son. He needed the kid to be strong. Firm. Needed him to master his skills. For his sake. And for his mother's. So John held back most of the encouraging words that he wanted to shower the kid with. The lack of encouragement always pushed Taylor to try harder. Which was exactly what John wanted.

"Let's do it again."

Although tired Taylor went quickly into position, without complaint. He knew when John said do it again, they did it again.

John inched around carefully wanting to go for surprise. Taylor's eyes were fixed, watching intently waiting for the attack, looking so much like his mother. Especially when his eyes flared with irritation.

"Channel your anger. Don't let your rage lead you," John warned. The emotion was quickly hidden away. Quickly John moved low, going straight for his torso. Taylor slipped from the attack, gripping John's arm in the process. He squatted low and with all his might, flipped John over.

John grunted. He blinked realizing after a second that he was staring at the ceiling. Panting he looked up at Taylor. John laughed for the first time since losing Joss at Taylor's stunned expression. "Just like that T."

"I-I can't believe I just flipped you!"

"It was only a matter of time," he said nonchalantly. Reaching out a hand Taylor helped John up. "Okay let's go cool down now."

Taylor smiled. "Sounds good. Where are we going to do that?"

…..

The ball fell through the basket and the hoop rocked in response to John letting go of the rim. Taylor caught the rolling ball, eyes shifting between John and the hoop, his mouth ajar.

"How do you do that?"

John smirked knowingly. "What? You thought this game would be an easy win because I'm old enough to be your dad."

"Well…" Taylor said not denying the truth. He started dribbling the ball again. "I thought we were doing this to _wind_ down."

"We are," John assured, positioning his body for the defense. "But that doesn't mean we can't have a good game?"

"Yeah but I'm starting to think there's a lesson you want me to get out of this too." Dribbling with one hand he used the other to scratch his ear.

"Still getting use to the ear piece?"

"Yeah. Do I have to wear it now?"

"Yes and every chance you get. It's the only way you'll adjust."

Taylor dodged to the right, but John blocked his path.

"And it'll keep you available when Finch contacts you."

 _"_ _He's right young Carter. I'm always collecting information and as your employer I prefer having the privilege to contact you whenever I believe I can be of assistance."_

Frowning Taylor straightened holding the ball still. "Do you always listen in on conversations Mr. Finch?"

 _"_ _Always."_

"Always." Finch and John answered.

"Another thing you'll get used to," John said. "Get back in the game. Dribble the ball."

Taylor obeyed. "Yep. You are definitely trying to teach me something."

Again he tried left, but was blocked once more.

Taylor groaned. "Man. How'd you get to be so good?"

"I used to play in high school and wanted to go pro." John blinked, surprised he had just given Taylor another detail of his past. He was making those slip ups more and more lately. It seemed like whenever Taylor was around he would start sharing things he had spent years holding in and back.

John blamed the slip ups on his desire to fully gain Taylor's trust. But the truth was, now more than ever, he was ready to open up and let someone in. He wished Joss could see him now. He had a feeling she would be proud of him especially since he was opening up to Taylor. The kid was slipping into his heart faster than John could've thought possible. Much like his mother had.

He blocked Taylor again, this time as he tried to shoot over him. However before John could gloat in another successful block, Taylor danced around on his toes slipping past John's other side. John chased him up the court but couldn't stop him before he shot the ball into the basket. Taylor jumped his fist pumped into the air.

"Whoo! I got you." A smile illuminated his face. "Can you believe it. I've dunked on you twice in _one_ day!"

 _"_ _Well done, young Carter."_

"Thanks Finch."

John chuckled. "Yes Taylor you've done good today." You'll be ready soon, he silently added.

Taylor danced around in victory cheering himself on. John watched Taylor in amusement, grateful to see him happy and for a moment carefree.

John would admit to himself that bringing Taylor to the court _had_ been dual fold. Not only would the game continue to push Taylor's physical limits, in light of their earlier exercise, but he knew it would also help him loosen up and have fun. John was determined to keep Taylor from darkness. He refused to allow the kid to turn into what he had become. A man void of emotion and unable to enjoy life.

He couldn't let the loving kid that Jocelyn raised die.

"Okay let's quit. For real this time. Hungry?"

"Starved."

"Let's eat and then I'll leave it up to you, what we do next."

"Really? Anything right?"

John shrugged. "Sure."

"How 'bout a movie?" Taylor grinned. "Do you like Marvel?"

 **I decided to post this chapter as well to give you give you all a break from some of the angst. Thanks for ALL the reviews. Your feedback is beyond priceless.**


	5. Chapter 5 Very Much Alive

**Please forgive me for the delay in updating.**

 _Imagine me trying too hard to put you from my mind_

Joss was grateful for every breath she took that was no longer accompanied by agonizing pain to her chest. Every step that she took on her own still left her in awe. Recovering had been cruel, but she had made it through. Then again Vince and Dr. Andrea had been determined to see her recover. And she did. With flying colors.

After the hard fight she was fully recovered… and working for Vince. Against her will. A recovered captive. That's what she was now.

No family, no name, no career, nothing connected to her past life. Her time wasn't even her own. She ran Vince's errands, at his command. With no choice but to obey.

Once she started recovering Vince introduced her to two of his agents. Bailey and Pierce. Seemingly the only two members of his staff who _willingly_ offered him their service. Worse Bailey and Pierce were furiously dedicated to Vince and would be no help to her.

It didn't take long for Joss to realize that Vince was not only a master manipulator, but he was an expert blackmailer. He had a unique way of finding dirt on people to force their cooperation. Dr. Andrea and Joss's own funeral director were among his many victims. And there were others, whose faces she did not know and names she had not heard.

Although Joss didn't know the details, she knew that Vince held a chip on his shoulder after once serving on the right side of the law. He used his team to go after the criminals that got away and the crooked agents that remained in the system.

Although Joss understood his thirst for punishment to those who deserved it, she could never respect him for his tactics. For the life he stole from her every day.

She had no privacy. Save a small room. No phone. No computer. No way to communicate without being watched.

Although grateful to be alive, she hated her life now. She hated the emptiness that consumed her soul. Crying herself to sleep every night was just as loathsome. The longing she felt to hold her baby boy close again was almost as painful as her recovery. Already she had missed so many pivotal moments in his life. She couldn't go on like this. Missing many more moments. Never seeing her son…

And John. She hated the thoughts that followed with his name. She would never forget the look in his eyes. The feel of his hand against her face. The angel's touch of a kiss… In that moment, she knew she was loved.

But for how long? If john could move on from Jessica surely he could move on from her.

What if already she was forgotten? It wasn't like John had any reason to hold on to her. Nothing had happened between them beyond that night.

Joss sighed. Her tears fell. For Taylor. For John. And the familiar faces that haunted her every waking moment, and every sleepless night. Laying onto her side, tightening up into a ball, having only her pillow to hug for comfort on her small bed.

What if she never saw her boy again?

Would this be the one-time John wouldn't come for her?

Would this be the pathetic end for her?

 _How long are you going to cry like this? Jocelyn Carter is this the end of your fight? You're giving in that easily._

She hated the voice of her inner soldier sometimes. Especially now. What power did she have against Vince?

 _What power did you have against HR? There IS a way Jocelyn. Be a cop! Be a fighter. Start one more war. This time do it for yourself. For your freedom._

Sniffing Joss panted and sat up in her bed.

 _Fight Jocelyn. Fight!_

She swiped furiously at her eyes. She _couldn't_ go down like this. Her inner soldier was right. She had to try. If she was going to die here she would die trying. Not die living in misery waiting on a rescue that might never come.

If it took years, she would wait and fight and seek the right moment to escape. No more weeping or thinking about things that could've been. She was taking her life back. Vince made one mistake. He left her alive. _Every_ part of her. And Jocelyn Carter was nobody's dummy. She was waging war.

….

John started. Waking from sleep. In the silence he heard the steady intake and exhale of another's breaths from across his darkened apartment. Easing up he tossed the covers aside and stepped onto the floor. Without making a sound he crossed the room to his couch and stared down at a sleeping Taylor.

John shook his head as a smile appeared on his face. John had gotten used to him sneaking over late at night to sleep on his couch. Sometimes, although Taylor wouldn't admit it, the kid just didn't want to be alone. John didn't mind. Taylor's presence, even in this simple way helped to erase some of his own feelings of loneliness.

He continued to watch him, sleeping peacefully the smile slipping from his face. He would be ready soon. Sooner than John would like. Taylor was skilled and had Joss's tenacity to pick up things quickly. John wasn't going to be able to prolong his training. A part of him was disappointed that Taylor hadn't changed his mind about joining the team. But John knew he had to go through with his end of the deal and let Taylor work his first case.

It would be alright, John assured himself. It's not like Taylor would be going solo. He would be with the kid every minute. "I'll keep him safe Joss," his whispered. "Trust me I will."

Taylor shifted in his sleep turning into the couch as if he were cold.

John scanned the room and found the one blanket he left laying out specifically for Taylor. Grabbing it he draped it over the boy who didn't stir. John took a breath then walked back to his bed and fell quickly asleep.


	6. Chapter 6 Alive in Me

**Happy New Year everyone! I am SO sorry it took so long for me to post. The weeks have flown by. Anyway to apologize I posted two chapters.**

 _We never said our love was evergreen or as unchanging as the sea  
but if you can still remember stop and think of me_

"John, it's not a big deal," Taylor said, not that John gave his words any thought. Pulling Taylor by the arm, he steered him past Finch's desk and into a chair. Shaw and Finch watched quietly judging from John's stiff posture that now wasn't the time to ask questions. Finch's eyes narrowed in concern. His heart pounding as he rose from his chair.

"John," Taylor complained, keeping his hand pressed firmly on the side of his forehead. Tired of John fussing over him.

John removed Taylor's hand from his face revealing a large blackened bruise and a gash near his temple. Finch sucked in a breath, understanding the reason for the tension between the two. Meanwhile Shaw's lips pursed together.

Looking the gash over, John opened the first aid kit he had been holding in his other hand.

"Seriously? You're going to clean me up too? John I can do that myself. I won't faint if I see my own blood."

Shaw had a little pity on the kid when he threw an embarrassed look their way. "Come on Reese. You let the kid get hurt at least let him clean himself up."

John swung his eyes sharply to Shaw. The fire that darkened his eyes made Shaw scoff, but keep quiet. She knew John's buttons could only be pushed so far where Taylor was concerned. She did her best to throw Taylor a silent apology before leaving the room to try to spare as much of the kid's dignity as possible.

Finch, smarting from her exit, tried to relax. Lowering his body back to his chair he tried to focus on his computer. But his eyes slid again over to Taylor at John's next order.

"Pull up your sleeve." Taylor did as told and this time revealed a long cut on his forearm.

Finch felt faint. This wasn't Taylor's first mission, but it _was_ his first injury. Of course they knew injuries were inevitable, but still.

"Are you okay young Carter?" he asked carefully.

"I'm fine Finch. Thanks."

John went to work pressing a cloth to Taylor's head.

"Ow!" Finch jumped, his eyes shooting to Taylor who jerked away from John and grabbed his wrist stopping his administrations. "No offense John, but if you _have_ to do this, can you be a little more gentle?! Just because I said I'm fine doesn't mean I want you to beat that stuff on me!"

Harold unleashed a breath and then bit back a laugh.

"Sorry."

Taylor let go of John's wrist seeing John's guilty and now unsure face. "Look just pretend it's my mom you're cleaning up. You wouldn't be rough with her."

With a nod, John tried again. Instantly Taylor noticed a difference. He clamped down his pride and let John take care of him. It was an odd feeling. He was so used to his mom coming to his aid for things like this. Having a man suddenly handling the job had been at first threatening. Had wounded his male pride. But as he forced himself to endure John's help it proved to not be so bad. John was old enough to be his dad and with each day, John was feeling more and more like the father he had gone years without. So Taylor couldn't blame John for going all parent on him, especially since it was his first injury while on a job.

"You look so much like your mother." John hadn't meant to say the words out loud. Especially when they were emotion filled.

Taylor's eyes lit. "Really?"

John nodded trying to be nonchalant. "Having you around," he cleared his throat, "is like having her around." He taped the gash on the side of Taylor's head, before going to work on Taylor's arm.

"I think the same thing about you."

"I'm nothing like your mom," John said almost instantly not looking up. Refusing to entertain the thought. He wasn't worthy to be compared to Joss.

"But you are!" Taylor insisted. "You always push yourself too hard. She did that all the time," he added with a smile. "You urge me to do better and aim for higher things in life, just like she did. She always made time to hear me out whenever I was frustrated or just wanted to talk and now you do that. You even hover like she did."

John made a sound in his chest somewhere between a cough and laugh. "No I don't."

Taylor gave him a pointed look. "Really? What do you think you're doing right now?"

John smirked even as his eyes lit. "Acting like her," he admitted touched by the thought and accepting the truth that maybe a little piece of Joss lived on in him too.


	7. Chapter 7 Secrets

**FYI this is officially the turning point of the story. It takes place 18 months after the last chapter.**

 _There will never be a day I won't think of you_

The sigh that escaped Joss was one filled with contentment. For the moment she was free of all worry and all remaining doubt.

She couldn't discern the reason for her new confidence, but she welcomed it. Perhaps it was her desperation that caused her to believe that her escape plan would lead to nothing but victory. Or maybe the new confidence was a result of her captors giving her new liberties, thinking she had accepted her fate to serve their purpose. But Joss was convinced that the greatest reason for her confidence was the presence of her new partner.

Joss looked over at the subject of her thoughts. The girl was asleep and Joss smiled at how peaceful she looked. Prior to the girl's arrival Joss worked most of her cases alongside Pierce. And although Pierce never mistreated her, he kept a firm eye on her, and a loaded gun at his side. Prepared, should she try anything.

But five months ago, that changed. Peirce and Vince brought this girl in as their newest recruit. And introduced her as Joss's new partner.

Joss would forever thank God for that moment. It was the turning point in her life since waking from the coma. The girl was as miserable as Joss had been when she first learned she was stuck working for Vince. So Joss gave the girl what she had needed in her lonely days. A friend.

In turn she gained a friend. They shared their fears, the lives they had been ripped away from, and their hopes. Most importantly they shared their determination to escape and regain their lives.

Even better her partner was smart. Had skills Joss couldn't imagine. Skills that would aid their escape. Joss was the fighter and her partner was the brain. Together they _would_ get out.

Joss's smile deepened. "Beware Vince," she whispered, "our days here are numbered." _I'll be home soon John and Taylor._

 **…** **..**

 _When you find that once again you long to take your heart back and be free  
if you can still remember, spare a thought for me_

John opened the passenger door and watched a pair of burgundy pumps appear, settling securely on the ground. He extended his arm and the soft hand belonging to his date slipped into his. He pulled her smoothly out and to her feet causing her to smile.

"You're such a gentleman," she said softly her praise accompanied by a sweet smile. Her red hair blew in the wind as she stood beside the car. John closed the door behind her then took her arm walking towards her apartment building.

"It's nothing," he assured.

"After four dates I should be used to your chivalry, but… it's been a long time since I've had it shown my way."

John lifted one brow. "You make it sound as if you've never had a decent date."

Her teeth played with her bottom lip and he made out her blush in the dark. "Would you believe I have bad taste in men? I know surprising for a therapist. I just seem to be drawn to men who aren't worth much of anything. You being the exception of course." She blinked her eyes growing serious even as her smile remained in place. "You're an exception to a lot of things. Opening doors, seeing me home, paying for dinner. Not even pushing for more than a kiss."

Reaching out John tucked a piece of fiery hair behind her ear. "You know the reason for that."

"You're right I do. I know you need time to heal from your past relationship. I'm fine with taking things slow. We're making progress John. I can see that even if you can't."

Little did she know, he could see it too. He was texting her more, calling more. Looking forward to being with her when he was not.

"So…"

"I'll call you tomorrow," he promised.

She grinned a beautiful smile, her eyes brightening even more. It was obvious Iris was falling hard and fast for him. His heart pricked with guilt. To hide it, he leaned forward kissing her. She latched onto him her arms coming around his shoulders, she pulled him closer. Tonight, he allowed himself to take her in his arms. His hands splaying on her back. It was so different how he didn't have to bend down to kiss her since she was taller than Joss.

His eyes tightened at the thought and he pulled her closer to him wanting to block out that thought. He didn't want to think of Joss. Not tonight.

However Iris misread his response. She pulled away a smirk on her face as if to say 'told you so'. "Goodnight John."

"Goodnight." She stole one more peck before walking to her door. John watched her his guilt growing with every step.

He liked Iris. She was beautiful, sweet, and easy to talk to. Easy to listen to. At times she reminded him of Jessica. Full of goodness. She was an escape from the danger and chaos of his life.

He met the therapist a few months ago when she hired him under his new cover as a private investigator. As a result they spent several days together as he worked her case. Iris then offered him a few free counseling sessions as a thank you for his help. John took up her offer, only looking for a way to talk to someone.

However soon after those sessions began, Iris made it known that she cared for him as more than just a patient. That confession and one kiss gave him the courage to ask her for a date. He liked her enough to at least spend time with her and his new identity gave him the freedom to do so, so he took the opportunity.

But there were certain things about their relationship that gave him pause. For one, he hadn't been completely honest with Iris.

She had no idea that his cover: John Riley private investigator, was just that. A cover that hid who he really was. She didn't know that he still worked for Finch. Didn't have a clue who Finch was. She wouldn't begin to understand the dangers he faced day in and out. In addition his past with the CIA had not been mentioned.

Neither did she know everything about the woman from his past, although she thought she did. John had given her a jaded story that summed up his relationship with Joss, allowing Iris to draw her own conclusions. He never corrected her assumptions. The only true facts Iris had about the whole situation was that he had lost a woman he loved and had been left with a broken heart. But even worse, because she didn't know about Joss, she didn't know about Taylor.

When John met Iris he had worked her case alone and had never mentioned Taylor. Throughout their relationship he never even alluded that there was someone in his life that meant as much to him as Taylor did. This was probably his greatest deceit. But he wasn't ready to tell her about Taylor. If he did it would mean things were serious and although he cared for Iris, they were nowhere near serious.

But he was _trying_ to move on. To embrace life again. And Iris seemed like a good woman. But with all the secrets that surrounded them he wondered if her view of him would change if he revealed the truth.

Iris always looked at him as if she could see past his hardened exterior and see something in him that was good. John liked that. But if she knew the truth of who he was, and what he had done, would she still see good?

Joss had.

But perhaps Joss was the only woman who could love him for him. Who could look at him and still see good, knowing what he had done. Not excusing his past, but forgiving him and seeing it for what it was. A mistake.

If he was going to continue his life with Iris he had to figure out if he could live with her only loving him as the man he presented to her now.

Those thoughts plagued John the entire drive home. When he walked into his apartment he wasn't surprised to find Taylor sitting at the counter studying. A corner of his mouth lifted. About five months ago he had finally won one battle and convinced Taylor to go to school part time.

John took a step, but was surprised when Bear came running forward. Giving the dog a rub on the head John walked to the kitchen.

"Hey T. I thought I told you not to sneak Bear up here anymore."

Taylor smiled unapologetically. "He whined when I tried to leave him earlier. What was I supposed to do?"

John shook his head, taking off his jacket and throwing it carelessly on a chair. "'Sides I needed someone around here to keep me company. Where've you been? Working?"

"No. Just around."

Taylor watched John through narrowed eyes as he grabbed a glass of water. Suddenly he understood the reason for the evasive answer.

He had been with _her_. Taylor realized silently. The _her_ that John thought he knew nothing about. Taylor could always tell whenever John had been with his girlfriend or whatever she was. He walked differently. Came across as defensive. And he always looked conflicted and never overly happy. The only emotion that always shined through was guilt.

Inwardly Taylor smiled. He knew he ought to be happy that John was trying to move on, but truth was he didn't want John to get over his mother. Not yet.

The only reason he and John were tight now was because grief had brought them together. John had stepped in as a second father, but if John fell in love, where would that leave them?

Taylor tried not to let those thoughts bother him, but it was hard not too now that John was actually seeing someone. Especially when John was keeping that someone a secret.

If this woman really meant something to him, wouldn't John want him to meet her?

"What are you going to do for your birthday?"

Taylor blinked, his thoughts stopping abruptly at John's question. "Uh… I-I don't know." He paused to think. "I was thinking we could catch a movie."

John chuckled. "Another Marvel film? Is there a new Avengers movie coming out?" John had developed a high tolerance and even a small interest in the films, thanks to Taylor.

"Maybe."

"Any other plans?"

"I'll spend some time with Grandma. That's it. I'd really like if we can just hang out. No work. Maybe we can go on a road trip."

John smiled at the thought, but his smile faltered as another thought came to mind. "Maybe… you should do something with your dad. I'm sure he'd appreciate….being included in your plans."

Taylor stiffened. Why was John bringing up his dad? Again. John had been mentioning his dad more and more recently.

Oh no. Taylor's shoulders fell. How come he hadn't put the clues together? John bringing up his biological dad, John's new girlfriend. Was John trying to push him off onto somebody else so that he can start a new life with his girlfriend?

How long did he really expect this thing with John to last? Forever?

"I've told you," Taylor said, voice strained as he struggled to be patient, "I don't really know him that well. Sometimes things are awkward. I don't want to spend my birthday like that."

"Yeah, but T I think it would be good. For you and him."

"What does it matter? He's been gone most of my life."

"Yeah, but he's here now. And he wants to get to know you-"

"Why do you care?" Taylor snapped. "You got your wish, I'm going to school. Can't you leave the issue with _my_ dad alone!"

John assessed Taylor with caution. Nearly two years with the kid had taught him not to take everything at face value. The rejected look in his eyes revealed much. John groaned. Had he someone how made Taylor feel unwanted with his suggestions. Figuring the kid out was still difficult.

"Taylor I…" he paused. "It's not that I don't want to spend your birthday with you. But I… can't keep being selfish."

Taylor raised a brow in question.

"I can't pretend I'm your father when I'm not. No matter how much I'd like to."

His brown eyes looked up hopeful so John continued. "I love you T. I'm sorry if I never told you that. You're the closest thing I have to a son. You're the only family I have, but I can't steal all your time and rob your father the chance of at least getting to know you. If I care this much about you, I can't imagine how he feels. It would be right to at least give him a chance. It would be right for you too. And…I think your mom would've wanted you to try."

Taylor stared at John and slowly nodded. Relief flooded him as he started to understand everything. The reason for John's suggestion and the reason for John's secrecy.

"Okay. I guess…I _can_ ask my dad to meet me at Grandma's for dinner."

John nodded.

Standing Taylor came to John and gave him a hug. "Thanks John. I love you too."


	8. Chapter 8 The New Number

They were getting nowhere, John thought clenching his jaw. Already he had texted Iris telling her he wouldn't be able to keep their date tonight. And at this rate he wouldn't have another date for the next week.

He eyed their number who sat at the 'interrogation' table in the dimly lit room. Her dark hair cascaded over stiff shoulders. Mouth set in a grim line. Her posture and the set of her mouth was a direct reflection of how receptive she had been to their questioning over the past hour.

She was young, beautiful, smart, and she seemed harmless. But John had never been one to be fooled by appearance. "Who were those men after you?"

"I don't know," she said placing a hand to her head. Fingers rubbing across the smooth skin of her forehead. "Please, just let me go. I have a contact in the FBI and I need to reach him." Her brown eyes threw a pleading look at Taylor. Even in their short time together, John could already see she had taken a shine to the kid.

Obviously she figured if she was going to get through to someone it would be Taylor.

"Why are you contacting the FBI?" The FBI. The main reason John didn't like this number. John hated the thought of mixing with the FBI. Especially when he and Taylor might have taken on federal agents to save a girl he wasn't quite sure was innocent. He couldn't afford to cause the feds to become suspicious of Taylor. He would not have the Rikers' incident repeated. "Or are you conveniently getting your stories mixed up. Were the men in your apartment FBI agents who were actually searching for you?"

"I _told_ you I have never seen those guys before. I am trying to get in contact with the FBI because I was assisting them… with finding a missing person."

"Who?"

Her eyes shot to his. "I'm not giving any more information. I don't know if I can trust you! Who are _you_ guys? So what! You saved my life back there. B-but that doesn't mean I can trust you. How do I know you won't do away with me if I give you the information you want?" she snapped slamming her hand on the table.

John and Taylor shared a glance. They had to do something. And for John, it needed to be fast.

 **Three hours earlier**

"Our new number. Kayla Santiago," Finch announced. "A declared genius who went missing approximately five months ago."

Taylor folded his arms. "If she's been missing for that long, how are we going to find her?"

"Technology is always advancing young Carter. As you know there are multiple cameras placed throughout the city. I now can on _occasion_ capture images from those cameras and confirm if our victims or perpetrates appear. It just so happens Ms. Santiago was captured less than an hour ago. Judging by the streets she has been captured on, I would say she is headed to the apartment she occupied before her disappearance."

"Let's go then." John stated turning.

Taylor followed. "See ya soon Finch."

"Be careful young Carter."

….

Kayla Santiago peered up the steps of her apartment building. Her palms sweating from the fear that made her heart beat erratically. A breath escaped her when she realized no one had jumped out with a gun. Shaking herself she raced up the steps, stumbling a time or two.

Once at her door, she assured the hall was clear before she went to work picking the lock since she no longer possessed the key. She smiled when she heard the click and slipped inside. A quick glance around the room told her everything was as she had left it. But she didn't have time to dawdle. Her legs moved quickly to her desk and she searched the files she had left there. Another smile graced her face when she found the paper she was looking for. The phone number was still legible. Her smile faltered when the front door slammed against the wall.

Jumping Kayla found herself staring into the face of a tall menacing black man.

"Take it easy baby," he said easing towards her. "I just want to talk."

Kayla remembered the gun in her pocket. The gun that was centimeters from her hand. Her fingers flexed but in the next second the man had a gun trained on _her_. Kayla stilled.

"That's it baby." Another step closer. "Take it easy. Don't make me do this."

Kayla's eyes widened as another gun appeared above the man a second before it was slammed into the back of his head. He fell to the floor, revealing a man in a dark suit who was holding the second gun. His blue eyes locked on hers.

"Kayla Santiago? We're here to help you."

She couldn't speak. "Uh- look out!" she cried out as the menacing man jumped from the floor to his feet. The man in the suit turned throwing a punch. The two went into a fight. Kayla jumped back trying to stay clear of their fight and plotting the quickest way to reach the door without either of them noticing. But to her worse fear another man appeared. The kind who looked ready to shoot first and talk later.

Heart lodged in her throat she waited for the worst, before he too was stopped, this time by a black guy much younger in age, who tackled him to the floor. After a short wrestle the younger guy gained the upper hand knocking him still. He crossed the room taking her hand.

"Ms. Santiago come with me." He urged her close to his body shielding her and giving no room for her protest as he moved to the door. Keeping his gun ready to shoot at the man if he chose to rise. Suddenly he turned back.

"John!"

The man in the suit stood finished with the first guy. "Let's go. Watch the front and I'll cover you."

Kayla stumbled as they rushed out the door and down the stairs. They were near the complex's exit when gunshots sounded from above causing Kayla to shriek.

"Taylor go!" The suit ordered as they rushed out the door. After a quick run across the sidewalk she was shoved into the backseat of a car. The younger guy settling beside her as they drove recklessly away.

 **Present**

"Please," Kayla pleaded knowing she was at their mercy. They had confiscated her gun so she couldn't even use it to threaten them. "If you're the good guys then let me go. Let me go to the FBI. You don't understand. I have a friend who needs my help and I don't know how much time I have left."

John sighed. He was almost ready to let her go. Nothing they were doing was working. He was ready to let the FBI deal with her whether she was lying or speaking truth. Especially if it meant keeping the FBI away from Taylor.

Kayla watched the men before her. The older one in the suit, called John, had a hard look and dark presence despite his handsome face. She would fear him if not for the presence of the younger, kinder, and even more handsome face belonging to the other man in the room called Taylor.

Her gaze found Taylor's again. Brown eyes stared at her with concern instead of suspicion. Something about those eyes seemed similar.

"Please let me make a call to my contact."

"Kayla," Taylor's voice grew even more gentle as he leaned over the table towards. John resisted rolling his eyes. Taylor was a little too attentive to this number. "We want to help you. I promise you that."

"Or stop you," John cut in as he assessed her through narrowed eyes.

She swallowed. "Look whatever source put you onto me should be able to tell you that I'm _not_ the bad guy. I ran into a jam and it kept me from getting the information that I needed to get to the FBI. But I have to get it to them now because I have someone whose life may be in danger. How come you don't get that!"

John sighed. This girl wasn't going to crack. "Ms. Santiago-"

"John."

The room went quiet and they turned to see Finch standing in the door. "John a word with you."

John looked as if he was going to refuse, but Finch spoke again. "Please. It's _urgent_." They exchanged a look before John relented walking to Finch. Finch addressed Taylor. "Please young Carter, keep Ms. Santiago comfortable."

Kayla frowned. _Carter! Did he say Carter?_

"I'll be back," John warned.

…

"Alright Finch what is it? Are you going to tell me I shouldn't let her go? Because I don't agree. Keeping her here might do more harm…" His voice trailed off at the image of Joss on Finch's computer screen. "What's going on Finch?"

"A new number."

The look on Finch's face left John unsteady. "Who is it?"

In answer Finch handed John a phone. He placed the phone to his ear.

 _Can-beep-you-beep-hear-beep-me?_

"Yes."

 _Protect-beep-Kayla-beep_

"Why? She doesn't want our help."

 _Protect-beep-Kayla-beep-and-beep-I-beep-will-beep-give-beep-you-beep-Jocelyn-beep-Carter_

John stilled eyes darting to Finch then the screen. His muscles grew tight and he clenched his jaw. "What do you mean? Joss Carter is dead. _You_ didn't warn me in time. Remember?"

 _She-beep-lives-beep-ask-beep-Kayla-beep_

Again his eyes went to Finch. He hadn't moved as he watched him with entirely too much caution.

 _Oh God could it be true!_

"Are you telling me she has been alive this _whole_ time? Why didn't you tell us?" he could barely keep himself from yelling.

 _Didn't-beep-know-beep-she-beep-lived-beep Protect-beep-Kayla-beep-and-beep-protect-beep-Joss_

"Listen I will ask Kayla, but you find Joss's location. _Now_! Her _exact_ location. Find it and only then will I protect Kayla."

…

Taylor sat in the chair across from Kayla wondering why Finch had pulled John away. He sighed figuring he could try again with Kayla. Maybe with John gone, she would talk. "Listen Kayla-"

"Did that guy call you Carter?"

Surprised by the question Taylor didn't answer right away. "Yeah."

"But I thought your name was Taylor."

"It is. Taylor's my first name. Carter's my last."

She blinked. "Oh." Another pause. Taylor watched her trying to figure out what was going on in her mind. "That name seems familiar."

Taylor stiffened.

"Where did you go to school?"

"You probably know the name because of my mom."

"Your mother?" she sounded eager, but Taylor couldn't dwell on it for long.

"Yeah. She was a cop. Detective Jocelyn Carter. She took down an underground organization of corrupt officers. It was the greatest moment of her career. Unfortunately… it cost her her life."

The room was cloaked in silence as Kayla mulled over the information. "Yes. I know of her." Her eyes locked onto his. "I'm sorry that you lost her Taylor. I'm really sorry."

Something about the words sounded deeper than simple polite condolences. "Thank you. How do you know about-?

The door opened and John reappeared looking harsher than he did before. "Taylor, could you join Finch for a minute. There've been some… developments he needs to go over with you."

Taylor's eyebrow hitched upward doubtfully.

John let out a breath. "I promise I won't hurt Ms. Santiago."

"He's harmless," Taylor assured Kayla before rising and leaving them alone.

John turned swiftly to Kayla. "What do you know about Joss Carter?"

Kayla knew from his tone that he was not in any mood to wait for answers. "I know that she is the mother of Taylor Carter. Your partner in there. She's a former cop. And by some miracle is still alive."

John wasn't sure he was still breathing, but he managed to cross over to Kayla and lift her from the chair by her shoulders. Her eyes widened but she didn't shrink back.

"Where _has_ she been?"

"Missing with me. I was helping the FBI find a missing FBI agent who had crossed the lines legally one too many times. I got too close and ended up getting taken by the agent. With Joss. She's the friend I'm trying to help. We planned to escape, but when things went down I was the only one able to get away. I didn't know until now that you were the one she told me about. Look if the guys looking for me can't find me they _will_ go after her and this time they will make sure she dies."


	9. Chapter 9 Found

Joss clenched her jaw, trying to hold her hands still despite the jarring of the vehicle over bumps in the road. She had managed to pick the lock that bound her hands before entering the car unbeknownst to Pierce and Bailey. But she kept her hands together hoping to appear as if they were still locked together. Now all she needed was a distraction. A moment to make a move without Pierce's gun trained at her head.

"It's a shame Carter," Pierce said part of his face blocked by his gun-filled hand. "You're a good agent. It's nothing short of a miracle that you recovered enough to work for us. I hate that I'm going to have to take you out now. You shouldn't have turned on us Carter. Thing's wouldn't have to end this way."

Joss heard some regret, but she also heard the humor in his voice as he mocked her oncoming death. She kept her eyes glued to the windshield. Watching the trees and winding path. The path that was supposed to take her to her end.

Joss knew the second Vince told Bailey and Pierce to 'take her on a drive', that they had been unsuccessful in finding Kayla. Joss was relieved to know the girl was at least beyond Vince's clutches, but she wasn't thrilled that his failure resulted in his resolve to take her out.

 _God please! I need something to distract them. Anything. This is my last chance!_

"The worst of it," Bailey commented from the driver's seat, sparing Joss a glance in the rearview mirror, "no one will be there to mourn you. You'll die alone. Your body buried in an unmarked grave. A pathetic end for the woman who had so many accomplishments in life." Bailey laughed cruelly.

"If it wouldn't mess up the car, I'd kill you right now and get it over with." Bailey turned in her seat, pulling out her gun and pointing it in Joss's face. Taking her eyes off the road she looked smugly at Joss. "I never did like that Vince brought you on. Guess he found out the hard way you weren't worth the time. We should've let you die the first time around."

With her eyes off the road, Bailey too late noticed the widening of Joss's eyes. Swinging her head around she saw a deer skit across the road. She dropped her gun and it fell into the back seat, as she hurriedly placed her hands on the wheel. Swerving the car attempting to avoid the animal.

Using Bailey's distraction Joss folded her fingers into a fist and punched Pierce's face knocking him out. The commotion drew Bailey's attention once more to the back seat as she righted the car. She tried to reach for Joss.

But just then a car appeared coming the opposite direction.

"Bailey!" Joss warned.

Gasping as she saw the car Bailey swerved too hard and could not correct the vehicle before it ran off the road.

Joss braced herself for the hard stop. Unfortunately Bailey was not so lucky as her head slammed into the wheel. Leaving her motionless in the front seat. Joss heard Pierce moan, and he slowly moved, coming to. Grabbing Bailey's fallen gun Joss opened the door and ran out into the woods.

…

"Stop the car Finch."

Finch braked immediately his heart still racing from their near collision with the car.

John pushed the door open, stepping out and looked back down the road where the car that almost hit them had crashed. Something about the car didn't sit with him right. The machine had provided a location for Joss and they were close to the target, but still…. Something about the car.

Fusco and Shaw were coming up the path in their separate vehicle.

John tapped his ear. "Fusco, Shaw, I think…" A man at that moment jumped from the car and ran into the woods. "Someone just ran into the trees. Check out the car. I'm going in."

 _"_ _Sure thing Wonderboy."_

But John was already in a full run.

….

Joss's heart pounded and she took large breaths as she hid behind a tree. She needed to get her bearings and a direction. Preferably one away from the road at the moment. Her mouth slammed shut and her breath held at the sound of leaves shuffling on the forest floor. She stood still waiting patiently as the steps grew closer. The steps slowed before stopping.

Joss waited a beat, still no movement. Holding the gun securely she stepped around the tree and aimed. She sucked in a hard breath of surprise at the face that waited on the other. She dropped the gun instantly for fear that she would shoot.

Mouth agape, eyes wide she stared at the form standing less than seven feet away.

 _John!_

Dear God, was he really here?

He stood so still Joss could barely tell if he drew breath. His eyes were colored with fear, disbelief. And hope swirled somewhere in those blue depths.

"John," she said breathlessly and she saw him swallow thickly. Joss blinked back tears. He was really here. How did he find her? "You really came," she whispered taking a step.

Panting she crossed over to him with heavy steps throwing her arms around him. Her hands ran over his back, up his arms. Climbing over his shoulders. He let out a dry heart twisting sob. Her fingers brushed gently through the hairs at the base of his neck before coming to hold his face. She pulled back a small smile danced in her eyes.

"I… I didn't think I'd ever see you again." She barely kept her emotion in check. She placed a kiss to his cheek and another to his jaw.

John didn't speak. He couldn't. Feeling her in his arms. Her lips against his skin. Those brown eyes looking at him. He felt unsteady. He tugged her to him and buried his face into her shoulder.

Before he had time to bask in the moment a wrestling in the trees drew his attention and he spotted a man standing a short distance away, aiming a gun. Shielding Joss, John just as quickly lifted his gun and fired. The man went down howling over his knee.

John tucked Joss to his side. "Who's this?" he questioned darkly as his eyes bore into the man who tried to take Joss from him while she was in his arms. _Just_ like before.

"Forget him John." Her voice was low. The warmth gone. Fear and frailty in its stead. "Let's just get out of here. Now."

Without letting her go he stalked through the trees the way he had come.

"Carter!" the man cried out. "You can't leave me like this. Carter! We'll find you! There's not a place you can hide."

John growled low in his throat. Angered by the threats. He started to turn back. Ready to let his gun finish what had been started, but Joss's words stopped him.

"Let's just go. He'll be dealt with soon enough."

He gave her a look and surrendered under the confidence in her eyes. Obeying her voice he pressed on trusting her. And determined to get her to safety. He tapped his ear piece. "Finch we're coming up."

There was a pause. _"Am I to understand that… Jocelyn Carter is with you?"_

He grunted and cleared his throat several times before he could answer. Not believing what he was about to say. "Yes."

Their steps raced an they reached the road, passing the crashed car. Shaw and Fusco watched with wide eyes as John wordlessly ushered Joss to Finch's waiting car. Pushing her gently into the backseat, he ducked in beside her. "Let's go."

Shaw and Fusco rushed back to their vehicle hurrying to keep up with Finch.

Finch drove stiffly throwing glances at Joss sitting in the back seat. His brain not able to believe she was there.

Meanwhile John held his gun, while his free hand clutched Carter's. Strange. He didn't even remember reaching for her after they entered the car. He swallowed.

What just happened? He was _sitting_ next to Joss! Holding her hand! The last ten minutes had actually happened?

He looked at Joss. She had closed her eyes. A look of peace on her face. Then she scooted closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

John stared at the top of her head in awe. Joss wasn't as surprised to see him as he was to see her. Already she was adjusting. He feared he had a long way to go. There was so much to consider. And oh… how in the world was he going to tell Taylor?

….

Taylor gave Bear a scratch behind the ear grateful for the dog's company at the safe house. He looked over at Kayla who rocked on the couch nervously. Taylor's brow pinched. He didn't get it. She had been so adamant about going to the FBI earlier, but since her talk with John she hadn't mentioned the FBI once.

What _had_ she and Joh talked about? Finch hadn't said anything much to him. Only that he needed him to stay and watch Kayla. He still had no real explanation as to why John had run off with Shaw, Fusco, and Finch.

"What are you so nervous about?" Taylor finally asked.

Kayla started. Her rocking stopped and she forced herself to sit back. "What do I have to be nervous about? I'm safe here. I know that."

His eyes narrowed. "You didn't seem that convinced a few hours ago. What's changed?"

She swallowed not looking him in the eye. "Uh…I-I guess your friend- John finally convinced me you want to help."

Taylor wasn't buying it. What reason would John have to keep something about Kayla a secret?

He replayed their earlier conversations in his head while Bear rested against his leg. Nothing had seemed odd about earlier. …except for when Kayla had asked about his last name.

"You never told me. How _did_ you know of my mother?"

She noticeably stiffened. Why would she be tense about his question?

"Um yeah. I… I've heard of her."

"How?" Taylor pressed.

She shrugged. "You know… how could I not? Like you said she was a well-known cop."

"Yeah but…" She worried her bottom lip between her teeth. Taylor sat up. There was more to this story. "Where have you been these past few months exactly? While you've been missing?"

"I… I told you. I was searching for a missing person. Helping the FBI. I had some information and the FBI wasn't too sure on following my plan. I got too ambitious and decided to check things out for myself. Dumb move, I got taken-by the man. He was I guess you can say a vigilant?"

"Who's this friend you're trying to help?"

Her eyes widened in panic and she started rocking again. She had already admitted that John had convinced her they were on her side. So what reason would she have to withhold the name of her friend?

"Kayla. Who. Is. The. Friend?"

"She…"

An eerie dread filled Taylor. It couldn't be… There was no way….

Jumping from his seat he crossed to Kayla startling Bear. He knelt in front of her and took her shoulders. "Tell me Kayla. The truth. Who is your friend who's in danger? How do you really know of my mother? Why did my last name matter?"

Tears filled her eyes. Regret, pity, and fear. "I-I… Taylor I c-can't. I told John I wouldn't-"

"Tell me!"

"Your mother! It's was your mother! She was captive too. I met her after they took me. We tried to escape, but some of his workers caught us a-and Carter fought them off and told me to run and escape while I had the chance. I-I knew I had to. It was the only chance I had!"

Taylor's grip loosened before his hands slipped away.

"No! It's not true! You've got her mixed up with somebody else." He jumped to his feet. Bear whined nervously staring up at him as he raked his hand over his face.

"It is true Taylor! She told me about you. That's why I knew your name. It's the only reason I was convinced that you were really trying to help."

"My mom is dead!" Taylor yelled.

Tears coursed down Kayla's face. "I'm sorry Taylor, but she's not."

Taylor fought back the bile that rose in his throat.

His _mom_. Alive? No! It couldn't be. John would've said something.

But what reason would Kayla have to lie? And what other reason would John have to run off the way he had without any explanation?

His eyes looked at Kayla seeking the truth.

God in heaven. It couldn't be true.

But could it?

…

The ride back to the city was twice as long, since Finch drove an untraditional route back hoping to prevent anyone from following them. It gave plenty of time for Joss to explain everything she knew about Vince and her captivity. Finch somewhat overcoming his shock was also able to put Joss's mind to rest by informing her that Kayla was safe and in the protection of their newest team member.

They made two stops once back in the city. One to a clothing store and then to a diner.

Joss felt better now that she had something to eat and had more in her possession than just the clothes on her back. She devoured her food, John sitting next to her quietly. Fusco and Shaw sat a few tables away keeping watch.

John openly stared at her while she ate. His food remained untouched. He couldn't take eyes away from her. Had it just been this morning that he thought she was dead?

Now she was beside him vital and full of life. In many ways she was the same as she had always been. And yet different.

Instead of the straight hair that she had worn since the day they met, her head was full of natural luscious thick curls that cascaded around her face and brushed over her shoulders. She was dressed in jeans and a hooded sweat shirt. No trendy jacket or heeled boots.

At first glance he would have doubted this was Jocelyn Carter. But in the forest among the trees when he saw her aim the gun with speed and accuracy. That familiar look of fire in her eyes. The no nonsense line that formed across her lips, he knew she was _his_ Joss.

Finch attempted to watch Joss more discreetly from his place on the other side of the table as he nibbled at his food. "It's good to see you Detective," he said at last.

She smiled sweetly pausing to lock gazes with him. "You too Finch."

"You look good."

"Yes. She does," John agreed softly causing Joss to shift her eyes to him.

"So are you going to just stare at me or are you going to eat too?"

He shook his head. "I'm not hungry."

"John when was the last time you ate?"

"I…" He couldn't remember. The whole day was a blur. She was worried about when he last ate and he couldn't focus on the fact that she was alive, much less sitting beside him sounding and acting every bit like the Joss he thought he had lost.

"That's what I thought. You need to eat. If you're going to properly protect me you're going to need to take care of yourself." She lifted his untouched burger.

"Take a bite."

Her demanding tone actually caused a chuckle to escape his lips. Relenting under her stern expression he took a bite of the sandwich. He tasted nothing as his eyes roved over her face.

She blushed under his stare before leaning back and focusing on her food. When she spoke again her voice was wistful. "How's my boy John?"

His eyes darkened and he glanced away. Taylor. His name conjured up so many concerns that John didn't know how to begin to deal with. Joss already asked about her son, but he couldn't blame her for wanting more details. Or for wanting to be reassured. "He's good Joss."

"You're sure?"

"Yes," he rushed to assure. "He's happy Joss. I've kept an eye on him. L-like you wanted."

She blinked away sudden tears. "I knew you would. Thank you. So what is he doing now?"

John now took a bite of his food to buy time as he thought on how to answer. He had been so caught up in finding Joss that there had been no time to consider what would happen once he found her. No time to think about how he would tell her that Taylor was working for them.

He chose his words carefully. "He's going to school and working."

She grinned proudly. "Where's he living? On campus or did he decide to stay with his grandma? Or Paul?"

"He's living on his own."

Her brow pinched. "How can-"

"He got a sponsor to assist with his living expenses."

Her brow now lifted with understanding. "Ah. Finch? Should've known. Well thank you for looking out for my boy. I know I shouldn't but I really want to see him tonight if possible."

Finch's heart jumped and John rushed to speak. "Carter I know you want to see him, but it's late," he said gently. "He has no idea you're even alive. It might be better for him if we wait just a little while." Better for Taylor and better for them.

Reluctantly she nodded. "You're right. Wouldn't want to give the boy a heart attack." She went back to eating missing the look of relief that John and Finch exchanged.

Joss glanced around the diner grateful to see that the only other occupied table was where Fusco and Shaw sat. Joss lowered her voice.

"Thank you again for finding Kayla. I don't think I could've lived with something happening to her. She made me think so much of Taylor."

"Buying her story would've been a little hard if not for-"

"Finch's computer?" Joss guessed. A corner of her mouth lifted. "I'm sure. I wish the thing could've realized I was alive a long time ago, but I should just thank God it caught me when it did. And you said Kayla's with a new associate who works for you?"

"Yes." Finch answered. "She is in great hands."

"Well I can't wait to see the new member of the team."

"You will in time," Finch said then thought it wise to change the subject. "I suppose we should determine where you will be staying for the night-"

"With me," John answered. "There's no need to go to a safe house. Not when I'm going to be there too. And it's not like you can stay with Taylor. We need a night's sleep before we break this to him."

"I'm fine with that."

"Then let's get you out of here. I don't feel good about you being out in public too long since we don't know everyone that Vince is connected with."

John threw a fifty-dollar bill on the table and grabbed her hand standing and leading them back to the car.

When they reached John's apartment building, John held Joss's hand all the way up. Finch followed quietly not ready to depart from Joss's presence. John pulled her inside. Joss let him lead while she carried her bag filled with her newly purchased belongings.

"Where's your bathroom? I'd kill for a shower." He pointed not releasing her. Joss squeezed his hand reassuringly then let go heading towards the bathroom.

"What are you going to tell Taylor?" Finch asked to John's back once Joss was gone.

"I don't know yet." He went to the window and stared out at the city.

"Are you afraid he will think we knew she was alive this entire time and kept it from him?"

The thought had definitely crossed his mind. He went to the couch and sat down. "I'm more worried about how Joss is going to react when she finds out he's been working for us."

Finch nodded patting his leg nervously. Twenty minutes later Joss emerged from the bathroom wearing a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt. When she saw the men staring at her she nervously smiled and stopped. John was smitten. Her smile, the way that thick hair brushed her shoulders. He swallowed closing his eyes. Abruptly he stood and went once more to the window.

Joss and Finch watched him. Finch knew it was his time to go. "I will be by tomorrow. In the meantime, if you need anything you know where to reach me."

Giving him a soft smile Joss pulled Finch into a tight hug. He stiffened at first then hugged her tightly for a brief second before pulling away staring into her eyes. He seemed to be fighting for something to say, but couldn't form the words. So he patted her arm and went to the door.

With Harold gone Joss refocused on the only man left in the room. She took an uneasy step towards him. Why was the air suddenly so tense?

"John."

She watched his eyes drift shut. "I can't believe you're here." His voice was a mere whisper. "It doesn't feel real. I thought you died. I _saw_ you die." He was talking more to himself than to her.

"I hate that they put you through this."

He let out a humorless chuckle. "That makes two of us. I just keep seeing you on that sidewalk bleeding out…"

Without a second thought Joss crossed the room to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Cheek pressing into the space between his shoulder blades. She just wanted to hold him. To feel him. Although he didn't turn, he leaned into her embrace as thirsty for the contact as she. His hand rubbed the arm she had locked across his stomach.

Joss buried herself against him and his hold tightened. Her love for him was beginning to become impossible to stifle. She had missed him so much. Been starved for affection too long.

John turned then. His hands started to move over her back heightening the intimacy of their embrace. He lowered his head, his jaw brushing her cheek. Joss didn't shy away but increased the contact with a turn of her head. Cheek to cheek their skin caressed as they moved closer, heads turning.

His lips brushed her cheek, hers his jaw. Then before they could turn back they met for a short kiss. Breaking apart they returned again. And again. It was as if they repeated the kiss in the morgue multiple times. Five times to be exact. The final kiss lingered before they pulled away. Although the kisses ceased they kept each other close. John rubbed her arms, their foreheads touching. His entire body shook, awakened from the simple touches. The small kiss were all they could handle tonight.

"Take the bed. I'll sleep on the couch."

"I don't want to put you out John-"

His hands covered her lips. " _Take_ the bed Joss."

Too weary to argue with him, she agreed. "Okay."

She gave him a gentle squeezed and finally- reluctantly pulled away. "Goodnight John."

"Goodnight Joss."

Her fingers slid down his face once before she dropped her hand and walked to the other side of the apartment. John watching her all the way.

 **Ok I've have been terrible with updates on this story. The story is written I'm just reorganizing some of the chapters and fixing up the story line, which is taking longer than I expected. So I'm sorry for the inconsistency and the long waits. The next couple chapters will be longer though so I hope that somewhat makes up for it.**


	10. Chapter 10 Obstacles

The past had taught John Reese that sleeplessness was never the result of something good. Sleepless nights usually were brought on by guilt, regret, and grief. But not tonight. Disbelief that something he had wished, dreamed, and prayed for had actually happened kept sleep from his eyes now.

Was Jocelyn Carter truly here, lying in his bed?

He leaned forward in the chair he had placed on the bed's side watching her even more intently than he had in the past several hours. A breath escaped him on a low exhale. Yes she was here. Alive. Sleeping peacefully. No cruel thoughts seemed to plague her dreams. She was safe.

Or at least as safe as she _could_ be for now.

His chest squeezed painfully at the sight of her clinging to his pillow. It made him want only to slip beside her and hold her. Would she want him beside her? Is that why she held so tightly to his pillow? Wishing he was there in its place?

She had kissed him earlier. Several times in fact. And he was trained to observe people, he couldn't have mistaken the longing he saw in her eyes then. After all this time of grieving her. Of grieving the times he couldn't get back, the dreams that would never be fulfilled, now she was here. And all the fragments from his shattered dreams were being brought together with hope.

He still wanted her as severely as he had before.

He only wished that her return was not marred with so many distractions. So many obstacles. Each one that urgently needed to be removed. John raked his hands through his hair looking at Joss again. She had been fighting to get back to him and Taylor. He _couldn't_ let that work be for nothing. Slowly, step by step he would remove every obstacle that stood in their way. This time there could be no room for mistakes.

….

Taylor stirred. His brow creasing as he frowned in his sleep. When he turned he felt a pain in his neck. The sure result of falling asleep in the wrong position.

Opening his eyes, he was surprised to see sunlight peeking through the window brightening the room with morning light. Taylor looked around with a heavy heart. Bear was sleeping softly beside him on the couch. His head resting on his thigh. On his other side Kayla had slipped into sleep and was leaning into his side.

He exhaled but the weight on his chest didn't go away. It had been a long night. Half of it had been spent with him denying Kayla's claim that his mother lived. The other half had been him listening to her stories about his mom and the friendship they had formed. She also told him how their escape attempt had failed and left the opportunity for only one of them to escape.

After all the stories, he still didn't believe Kayla. He wanted to. Her story seemed believable, her compassion sincere, but he just couldn't buy into it. Wouldn't let himself be convinced. Not until John confirmed it or he saw his mom himself.

Taylor reached for his phone trying not to wake Kayla or Bear. No messages from John. The suspense was frustrating. All he could do was think about the what if's.

He reached for Kayla's limp hand, holding onto her slim fingers, needing contact with someone as fear stole his breath. He didn't know what he feared more. Finding Kayla was wrong or learning she was right?

Unfortunately until he heard from John, all he could do was fret and wait.

…..

 _"_ _How is everything John?"_ Harold asked.

John finished buttoning his shirt as he kept his voice low. "Fine Harold."

 _"_ _And Jocelyn?"_

His eyes went to the bed and the form that occupied one side. "Still sleeping."

 _"_ _Have you decided how you are going to tell Taylor?"_

"Not exactly. I'll figure it out. Anyway Shaw and Fusco are coming up. I need them to keep an eye on Joss for about…an hour."

 _"_ _Mr. Reese do you think that is wise? Now is not the time to branch out and do your own investigation-"_

"Finch. This has nothing to do with the case."

John heard Finch sigh on the other end. _"Then can't it wait? I'm rather surprised you want to leave Carter at all."_

Although Finch didn't mean it as an insult the words hit like a blow. Finch was right. Normally he never would let Joss out of his sight with her number on the radar. He pinched the bridge of his nose. Was he wrong to do this? "Finch this is something I have to do. Trust me on this."

 _"_ _Make it quick. Whatever it is,"_ he answered shortly.

John disconnected, going to the bed. He sat carefully on its edge, Joss still deep in sleep. Lightly he touched her arm.

"Joss. Joss." Her eyes fluttered and she moaned. Rolling over and rubbing her eye. She gave him a sleepy smile.

"Morning John."

John's chest tightened hearing her tired voice, seeing her smile. "Morning." His voice came out lower than usual. He cleared his throat. What did he need to tell her?

"I…I have to go for a little while. Shaw and Fusco are going to come stay with you while I'm gone."

Joss tried not to pout. They had barely been together and already he was leaving her? It didn't seem like him. He once had been so overprotective. And she had expected him to be smothering her by now. Not leaving her to Shaw and Fusco for no matter how long.

"Promise you won't be gone long." The longing in her voice gave him courage to brush her cheek with his fingers and place a kiss gently on her forehead. Closing her eyes Joss gripped the collar of his shirt keeping him from pulling away. "Promise me?"

"I'll be gone an hour no later. Or less if I can help it."

Nodding Joss slowly released her hold and John stood. As he started to walk away he slipped on his suit jacket. "John." Her voice stopped him once he reached the foot of the bed. He turned back to see her sitting up beneath the covers. "I need to see Taylor. Today. I can't wait any longer."

"You will. As soon as I get back. Trust me."

"Ok."

Suddenly John's door opened and his gaze flew to the door even as he pulled out the gun at his waistband. He lowered the gun as Shaw entered Fusco behind.

"You should really change your locks," Shaw stated. "I broke in way to easily."

Reese rolled his eyes.

Shaw lifted a bag. "You owe me for the breakfast."

Fusco scoffed. "Huh. Did he tell you to order three breakfast sandwiches for yourself?"

With a deadly look Shaw silenced Fusco.

"I'll pay you back later. Bye Joss. Call me if you need anything."

Joss nodded standing from the bed. Shaw took a seat on the couch her grip tight on the bag of food. Fusco however remained in place watching Joss rise. Joss threw a smile his way before wrapping her arms around him. Fusco gave her a bear hug patting her back.

"It's good to see you partner."

"You too. But am I still your partner?"

"Always."

Joss blinked fighting tears she leaned back. "Thanks."

"Dig in Carter," Shaw said from the couch already devouring her first sandwich.

Shaking her head Joss leaned over the coffee table pulling out a sandwich. "You haven't changed." Holding the wrapped breakfast sandwich Joss paced in front of the large windows. "Have I missed much?"

"Mmm." She hummed around a mouthful. "Not much."

Fusco remained quiet.

Joss frowned slightly grateful her back was in that moment turned to Shaw and Fusco. Why were they being so evasive? But perhaps now was not the time for her to play detective. Turning Joss took long strides to the couch choosing to lean against the armrest instead of sitting while she unwrapped her sandwich.

Shaw swallowed, holding her second sandwich to her mouth, she paused before taking a bite. "It's good…to have you back Carter."

Joss peered down at Shaw. Before she could lose the nerve she leaned down and wrapped an arm around her slim shoulders. "I missed you too."

"One good thing about you being back," Fusco started, "means Reese can finally dump June Cleaver."

The room grew cold and Joss's appetite fled. "Who?"

"John's girlfriend," Shaw continued.

"The one he thinks we don't know about."

"You know Reese has grown on me, but the guy still has a screw missing. He tried that whole dating the queen of suburbia thing with the blond. It didn't work then why would he think it'd work now? Because she's a redhead?"

Blinking Joss lowered her hands listening numbly. John was seeing somebody? Somebody who apparently wasn't anything like her? Was that the reason for his distance?

She had assumed he was just in shock, but could it be more than that?

"This one is worse though. For a therapist she comes off way too desperate," Fusco said. "And if she were any good at her job she would've told John that he needs someone like you not someone like her."

"Mm." Shaw agreed. "How does a woman who scared of guns think that she can handle Reese?" Shaw snickered. "I'm just glad this will be the end of it."

It took several tries for Joss to find her voice. "What… what makes you so sure that John wants me-"

"Really Carter?" Shaw pointed her blank stare as Joss. "He's been thinking about you since the day you 'died'. He took in your-" She stopped herself and seemed to change her words which again caused Joss to frown. "If John gets confused about you then he's the one that'll be getting shot in the kneecaps."

Joss rubbed her legs still frowning. She and John had kissed last night. Of course it wasn't some overly passionate kiss, but still. If he found love with someone else would he be so quick to rush into her arms? She wasn't a fool. She saw the way he looked at her the previous night. There was something still between them. Something strong. But was it strong enough?

…..

John cringed inwardly at the look Iris gave him when she opened her apartment door. She gripped his arm standing on tips toes to kiss his lips. "Hey! What are you doing here? Your text made me a little nervous," she said pulling him inside.

"Sorry." He stumbled as he walked in turning back to her once he heard the door close.

She tilted her head. "Are you ok?"

"We need to talk."

"Fine. Over dinner tonight? You know," she took a step, her fingers twisting around the lapels of his suit, "we still need to make up for the dinner we missed."

"No. It can't wait." He tried to keep the tightness out of his voice, but he wasn't looking forward to this conversation. And he felt even worse because he was eager to get back to Joss and away from Iris. Feeling her this close to him now was suffocating. He had only come here because his conscience wouldn't allow him to have this conversation with her over the phone. She deserved better than that. But unfortunately being here in person wasn't going to soften blow much. "We shouldn't see each other anymore."

She stared at him testing his words. Her chin dropped before her shoulders fell as she exhaled. "I know what you're doing and we've talked about this. And I'm not falling for it. You can't push people away every time they start to get close to you. You'll never be happy that way."

"It's _not_ that."

She pinned him with a look. "John I know you. You're running away. But we can get through this. Just give yourself some time. We just have to stick this out together and we'll get past it."

John squeezed his eyes shut. "Iris listen to me. I'm not in this the way I should be. I… I don't feel for you, what you feel for me. And I don't want you to waste your time. It's not fair to you."

He held her gaze as she searched his eyes. Slowly her green eyes filled with tears as fear stepped in. Her hands reached up and framed his face.

"John. _Please_. Listen to _me_. You are worth my time. If we need to slow things down even more, we can. I-I don't expect you to be where I am." Her voice shook at the resolve she saw in his eyes. She didn't want to lose him and was willing to make adjustments to keep him, which made John feel worse. But he couldn't conjure up feelings for Iris that he had for Joss.

John gently removed her hands holding onto her wrists as he stilled himself for his next words. "I still have feelings for someone from my past. And she's back now and I…" The words were hard to form. "I want to give that a second try."

Her face hardened and she withdrew her hands. "The woman who broke your heart? John you can't go back to her. It's because of her that you struggle with relationships now. How can you back to her after what she did to you? It's been at least a year and you haven't heard anything from her!"

"It didn't end between us the way you think."

"Oh really?"

Her eyes searched his waiting for an explanation, but John wasn't going to give her one. The truth didn't matter now. His history with Joss was between them. Not Iris. All she needed to know was it was time for her to move on.

"I've had feelings for her since she left, and now that she's back I can't ignore it. I can't let her go." He knew the words sounded as helpless as he felt when it came to stopping his love for Joss. "I'm sorry."

Stepping around her, he walked to the door refusing to look back.

…

John stopped at the door and turned back to look down at Joss. "You're ready for this?"

She nodded. "Yes."

Of course, she was. He was the one who wasn't. Finch nervously looked around the back of the house. John had decided to enter through the back door which led to the kitchen. To the side there was a den in which Finch and Joss could wait, while John went to living room to break the news to Taylor.

John unlocked the door quietly and slipped inside. Opening it wide enough to allow Finch and Joss to slip in. They moved quickly running to the den. John's heart skipped a beat when Bear came running to him. He barked a greeting before turning towards the den with a curious tilt of his canine head. His bark sounded again, joyfully before he darted into the room.

John didn't have to watch to know who he ran to. Instead he made quick steps to the living room his throat dry.

Kayla spotted him first from her place on a chair. John's eyes moved across the room finding Taylor standing by a window. The moment their gazes collided John knew the kid had learned more than he was supposed to from Kayla.

His eyes were red and their brown depths had darkened to an umber color instead of their normal hazel. Taylor straightened and with hard steps walked to him not once glancing away.

"Is it true?"

A breath escaped John hearing the question. "Taylor-"

"Is it true? Is Mom-" His voice cut out. Not able to form the question with his lips.

Slowly, cautiously John nodded. "We… found her."

The frown on his face only deepened even as his eyes filled with tears. He lowered his head exhaling random puffs of air as if he could no longer cause his breaths to form a rhythmic pattern.

When he spoke his voice was muffled from the tears he fought back.

"Where is she…" His voice trailed off as he remembered the way Bear had run off. Brushing past John, Taylor ran to the back of the house. John followed close on his heels, knowing Taylor wasn't ready.

Rounding the corner Taylor skidded to a stop at the den's entry. His jaw dropped at the surprised faces of Finch and… his mom.

Joss stood, arms falling to her sides. She didn't move as her eyes roved over her son's form. "Hi Taylor."

Taylor gasped, his chest rising and falling as he started to pant, his hand reaching out for John who stood at his side. John took Taylor's arm pulling him closer so Taylor could lean against him. "John- it's… she's here. John-" Another gasp.

Joss started to take a step forward for fear he would start to hyperventilate. But she stopped short as she watched John support her son. Her head tilted intrigued at how her son seemed to pull from John's strength. Even more at how John, in such a nurturing way, tried to soothe her son.

"It's ok Taylor. This isn't a trick. She's really here."

Taylor sucked in a breath and his eyes, round and confused went to Joss. "Mom!"

Joss hadn't realized she was crying until she held her hand over her face and her palm came up wet. "Taylor baby I'm so sorry. I never would have done this to you."

She took a hesitant step forward. Then another. With every step though, Taylor seemed to shrink closer to John as if afraid of her touching him.

But Joss pressed on when John or Finch didn't urge her to stop. She held out her arms. "I'm so sorry this happened Taylor. Baby I've been trying to make it back to you. I promise you that."

Her fingers brushed his shoulder and he flinched.

 _God please_ , Joss cried inwardly. Not able to stand the thought of being this close to her son and unable to hold him in her arms. "Taylor," her voice wobbled. "Please. It's ok."

Taylor leaned forward slowly. "M-Mom?"

"Yes Taylor."

"Mom!" he sobbed falling into her arms. Joss braced herself and held her son as he clung to her sobbing into her shoulder. Joss cried with him squeezing him tight. Her hands rubbing his back.

"Yes baby," she whispered kissing his wet cheek. "I'm here. I'm here."

 **This story is sooooooo close to being done. Thanks for continuing to read it and being patient with me. Ya'll are awesome!**


	11. Chapter 11 Shared Fears

Chapter 10

"Taylor baby tell me more about what's been going on with you? How's school going? Do you have a girlfriend? Where are you living? I want to hear everything."

John stilled at the subject change instantly regretting his decision to sit beside Joss on the couch. He should have had enough forethought to sit on the other side of Taylor. At least then the kid would be a barrier between him and Joss once the truth came out.

"I'm going to school part time for now. Classes are good. But I just started going earlier this year."

Joss tilted her head. "You just _started_ going?"

"Yeah. I had changed my mind about going at all, but John," he waved his hand towards John, "finally talked me into going."

"Oh?" Joss glanced over at John wondering why he had left this detail out, when she asked earlier about Taylor.

"I-" John jumped from the couch startling Joss. "I'm going to check on Finch and Kayla. I'll be back."

Joss's eyes followed him as he rushed out. What came over him? He had been fine a second ago. Joss sighed. She couldn't keep up with John's blowing hot and cold. It was so different from the calm and collected man she remembered. Rubbing her leg she turned back to her son only to find that Taylor seemed to share her puzzlement.

Taylor stared at his mother then his brow rose slowly. "Oh. He hasn't told you. Has he?"

"Told me…what?"

A smile spread across Taylor's face and he chuckled. Then he laughed harder his head shaking. "I can't believe he didn't tell you."

Although confused, Joss was glad to see her son all smiles. He looked so much like the boy she had left behind. After they first reunited, she feared he would have a hard time accepting her being alive. But now he was faring better than John.

She just wished she knew the reason he was so amused. "Taylor what is it?"

"That chicken. No wonder he bolted out of here. I can't believe he's that afraid of you."

"Taylor baby will you just tell me what's going on."

Taking a breath Taylor leaned back his face still bright. "Mom I work for John. I should say _with_ John. I mean he calls the shots, but I'm his partner."

Joss's smile froze in place. She heard the words but couldn't believe her son had spoken them. "Excuse me. Taylor what did you say?"

"I work with John," he repeated nonchalantly. "Finch is my boss. I've been working for him for almost two years now."

Joss looked passed her son towards the entry way of the den. The space where John had walked out. Her son working with John.

Why hadn't he told her? Her eyes widened then closed as the pieces came together. Taylor was the new associate who had been watching Kayla.

Joss's head hung low trying to make sense of this. Her son was a vigilant. Dancing on the wrong side of the law. For the right reasons but still the wrong side of the law.

What reason would John or Finch have for bringing Taylor into this kind of danger? She didn't want to be angry but she couldn't help feeling betrayed. She asked John to protect her boy. Not bring him further into harm's way.

Taylor could see the grim signs of her rising anger. The tightening of her mouth, the darkening of her eyes and he groaned inwardly.

"Mom don't be mad at John-"

She held up a hand cutting him off. "Taylor," she said tightly, "he was supposed to protect you."

"And he did! Mom I-" Taylor ran a hand over the back of his neck his humor now gone. "I didn't really give John much of a choice."

"Oh really Taylor? I hardly think you could twist John into something like this."

"Actually I could." Taylor touched her hand needing her full attention if he was going to successfully rescue John from her growing rage. "I don't think you get how hard it was for me when you…." He couldn't say it. Not anymore. Not when she sat with him now. Only a couple hours ago he believed she was dead, now that she was alive he couldn't speak the word where she was concerned.

Led by compassion Joss rubbed his hand and nodded for him to continue.

"I wanted revenge. Mom I was so angry I would've killed someone just to feel like I had avenged you. So I gave John an ultimatum. Let me work with him for good or I'd do things my way."

Joss's eyes widened. That was more than enough leverage to twist John into letting Taylor work for Finch. Her brow furrowed as she thought. Even if Taylor had been bluffing, John wouldn't have taken the risk.

"I probably would've gotten myself killed if he hadn't let me in. He saved my life. In more ways the I can count. He got me a place near his, he's looked after me Mom. And Mom John taught me everything I needed to survive. I've made it this long with only one injury. He didn't let me loose until he knew I was ready."

He could see her anger losing its hold. Taylor bit his lip thinking of another way to defend John. Another way to trace any remnants of his mother's anger away. "Besides Mom he needs you. Let's not ruin you being back by being angry over something silly." He had a second's hesitation before he finished. "And you being here means he can stop pretending. He can be really happy and break things off with his girlfriend."

Taylor watched his mom from the corner of his eye and was grateful to see the way she stiffened when he said the word 'girlfriend'.

Joss couldn't breathe. There it was again. "Girlfriend?"

"Yeah. He's been seeing somebody. My guess it's been the last few months."

Joss clenched her jaw her anger fading away. In a moment she had forgotten that John may no longer be available to her. "Taylor if John…has moved on maybe I should step back." Taylor started shaking his head. "A lot of time has passed-"

"Mom no don't do that!" Taylor didn't want to hear this. He could see the resolve in her eyes and he wasn't going to stand for it. Not when the chance of having his mom and John together was at the tips of his fingers. Not when they could at last have answers to all the questions that arose with her 'death'.

"Don't just let him go like this Mom. You'll only hurt him and yourself. He needs you and this woman- whoever she is- isn't making him happy."

"But Taylor how can you be sure-"

"Because I _know_ him. We're like this." He held his crossed fingers in front of her face. "Mom don't you think John would've told me about her if she meant anything to him."

Joss teased her bottom lip with her teeth. "You mean you've never met her. He's never even mentioned her." Taylor shook his head. Unfortunately the heaviness in her heart didn't lift. "But Taylor what does that prove? Maybe he just didn't know how to tell you."

"I thought that way too at first. But then I realized he wasn't keeping her from me, he was keeping _me_ from _her_."

Joss frowned not understanding.

"I'm the closet thing John has to family. I'm practically his son. If she really meant something to him, he would've told _her_ about _me_. He would want her to know that I come part of the package. So I figured out the reason he didn't tell me about her is because he didn't tell her about me. He didn't need me to know about her because it wasn't serious."

Joss's mouth worked but she couldn't think of anything else to say and she had a slight headache after her son's explanation. She peered at her son her eyes gloomy. Taylor smirked-looking so much like John- knowing he had backed her in a corner.

"Ok. When the time is right, ask him if he told his girlfriend anything about me. I bet the answer will be no. You'll see."

….

John had ran to Finch and Kayla in order to avoid facing Joss as Taylor told her truth about his employment. But unfortunately being with Finch and Kayla proved frustrating. The reminder that Joss's life was still on the line, was the lowest point of her return.

"Well I don't like the idea any more than you do Mr. Reese, but Kayla and Joss will _have_ to speak with the FBI. They are key witnesses."

"I agree," Kayla said drawing both men's attention. "I know I'm not an expert on this, but the longer we wait the more advantage Vince has. It gives him time to get more intel on where Joss and I might be hiding. Or more time to cover his tracks. The sooner we get the FBI involved the better chance we have of catching him and anyone else who's involved. That's why Mr. Finch had me reach out to my contact Agent Mueller. Besides we already know that Vince's right hands are down. You said you shot Pierce, Bailey's probably injured. And we have more witnesses that may be more willing to come forth. Dr. Andrea, Joss's funeral director. Once we give Agent Mueller their names they give so much information on Vince."

John groaned still not liking the thought of taking Joss out so soon. Especially without additional protection. What a time for Fusco and Shaw to get called away for another number.

"John," Finch probed when he remained silent too long.

Letting out a long breath John gave one nod. "Fine. We'll meet with this Agent Mueller tomorrow."

A corner of Finch's mouth lifted. "Excellent. Now let us take a rest from this. I think everyone can benefit from a hot meal."

…..

John was tense all throughout dinner. Continuously he stole glances at Joss trying to read her mood. Whenever she looked at her son she smiled or touched his shoulder lovingly. But beyond that she appeared somber.

Either she had gotten really good at hiding her anger or by some miracle she wasn't angry at all. But John wouldn't let himself be convinced of the latter just yet. He caught her several times looking his way, A touch of sadness in her eyes. He hoped that sadness wasn't the result of her being disappointed in him. For surely by now she knew the truth.

Finch pushed his chair back away from the table. "Well I have some work I would like to get back to. And I would like to check in with Detective Fusco and Ms. Shaw. If you will excuse me."

Kayla's eyes darted across the table, pausing for an extra beat on John and Joss. "Mind if I help?"

Finch lifted a brow. "If you'd like I have no objections." She jumped from the table a little too eagerly. They were barely out the dinning room before Joss spoke quietly to her son.

"Taylor, would you give John and me a minute."

John resisted the urge to swipe at his brow. She wanted him alone. Obviously she _had_ gotten better at hiding her anger.

"Sure."

The room was cloaked in silence as Taylor walked out and John avoided looking at Joss.

"You can relax," Joss said at last. Voice soft and smooth. "I'm not mad at you." His eyes were still fearful so she smiled softly hoping to reassure him even as she reached across the table and took his hand her thumb stroking his skin. "I'm _not_. I was at first, but Taylor told me he was in a dark place. And you changed his mind about… g-getting revenge. John please look at me." She needed him to know she was sincere. "You did the right thing letting Taylor work with you. I think you know that you saved his life by doing that. You kept him from more pain. And gave him a place to go. Someone he could trust. I _can_ see that. I owe it to you that he's still in many ways the kid I left two years ago." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Thank you for taking care of my boy."

He let out a breath his eyes closing as relief overtook him and he let himself enjoy the feel of her hand around his. "I didn't do it just for you. I love your kid Joss. I'd do anything for him."

"I can see that too." She laughed. "I'm amazed at how close you both are. You've stepped in and been a father to him."

She continued stroking his strong hand falling a little deeper. Speechless that this man could make her love him even more.

And this amazing man might be the one that got away.

Her mood darkened. She stroked his hand knowing she ought to let go. Things were unsettled between them and she should give him time to tell her where they stood. Or should she?

What if Taylor was right and John's current relationship was his attempt to just fill time? Her son knew John a lot better than she was giving him credit for. And maybe she should at least fight for what she and John had. After getting this second change she would be an idiot for not trying.

Joss scooted her chair around the table so that she was shoulder to shoulder with John. She held his gaze as her free hand lifted. Her fingers hesitated for just a moment before they ran through the hair at his temples. His breath quickened, but he didn't break eye contact with her. The smooth brushing her fingers were beyond mesmerizing.

"Do you know how much I missed you?" Her voice was raw, breathless as she barely controlled her emotions.

"No," he whispered. "I only know how much I missed you."

Her fingers shifted running down his cheek, tracing his jaw, even as she drowned in his gaze. Which remained fixed on hers filled with hope and a haunted expression. She leaned closer a breath separating them, then she closed the distance and touched his lips. She sighed her arms slipping around him. The kiss lengthened as he leaned into her.

John's heart thudded roughly in his chest at her touch. This was nothing like the kiss they had shared the other night. It was soft, determined and there was no mistaking the love behind it. He fought a dry sob. Her kiss was as sweet as he remembered and this time there was no reason to pull away. They could actually finish what they started that night two very _long_ years ago. They could be together. Him, her, and Taylor.

Or could they? What if this new beginning ended just as it had before? With her bleeding, gasping for air before taking a final exhale. Her tombstone. The empty days that followed. It was the ending he always got.

He broke away, pushing out of her arms.

Joss gasped and stared at John confused. "What's wrong?" He blinked looking down pain etched on his face and Joss's heart plummeted. She swallowed uneasily feeling rejected. Knowing the reason he didn't answer right away.

"It's… her isn't it?"

In a flash his eyes pierced hers in question.

"Taylor told me. You've been seeing someone." She explained before moving slightly away trying to hide the pain that was beginning to grip her heart. She took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry. I have to remember I've had two years with nothing to do but think about you and to sort out my feelings. And grow stronger in them. But you've had two years of grief and learning to live…without me." She tried for a smile. "You have every right to move on. You thought I was dead."

Gripping her shoulders painfully John cut her off and pulled her near him again. "It is _not_ her," he said fiercely, eyes angry. "Don't do this to yourself. I don't feel for her _half_ of what I feel for you."

Blinking Joss nodded licking her lips feeling her hope return. "Then why are you holding back? I'm sorry I know I'm being impatient. John I'm kind of stuck in time. I remember things the way they were and now that I'm back I understand I can't just go back to the life I remember. And that's ok. I can live with the changes." She struggled to utter the next words without breaking down into tears. "I just don't want one of those changes to be me losing you."

"You won't," he rushed to assure her at the sight of her tears, his thumb stroking her soft skin. "You never have. Joss I…" John ran a hand over his face searching his brain for the words. They were there. He just had to find them. His time with Taylor had conditioned him to become better at opening up and expressing himself. He wasn't going to screw this opportunity to do this for Joss. He owed it to Joss to give her a real honest answer. He stood and walked behind their chairs. His hands resting on the chair's back.

"It's…it's just hard to believe you're really here. I never got over you. Never stopped hoping and wishing for what could've been. What should have been. And now you're just back in my life. Joss I've been this close to happiness before only for it to be suddenly ripped away from me. I'm afraid I-I couldn't take it if that happened again. I don't think Taylor could take it. He's different now that you're back. I see that he's never stopped needing you. We've survived but we've still needed you." He sighed. "I know I should grab onto you and do this without a second thought, but," he was rambling, and John Reese never rambled. The truth. "I've wished for you to be back so long and now that you are, I expect the worst. I guess I just don't believe there's actually a happy ending for me."

"John," Joss said gently also standing and coming to him. "Listen to me. For two years I have prayed to see you and my boy again. God didn't let me die John. He brought me back to Taylor. To you!" Gently she framed his face between her hands. "John, listen to me real good." Her hand caressed his beautiful face and he did as she asked. Tears in his eyes. "God's looking out for you John. That's why I'm still here. For my boy and for you. I _didn't_ survive all this only to lose now. I'm supposed to be here, right here. With you. Maybe things had to happen this way so that we could be the family we were meant to be."

He swayed leaning closer to her longing for another kiss despite his fears and doubts. Needing her. "You're sure?"

"More than anything. I love you John." Lifting up on tip toes she touched his lips with her own pulling John from every reservation. His arms engulfed her with a speed that startled her. Fiercely his lips attacked hers pouring out every emotion that had pent up for far too long and now begged release. His hold unyielding he drank his fill of her sweetness.

The intensity of the kiss would have frightened Joss if it had been anyone else. But she knew this man. She understood him. So she willingly gave herself. Even enduring her weary lungs she knew she would gladly lose every ounce of air she possessed to satisfied him in this moment. Losing strength she leaned into his chest allowing him to keep her upright as he showed no signs of stopping.

Until, "Am I interrupting?"

Joss and John and broke both panting as they turned to see Taylor standing in the dinning room and wide grin on his face. Clearly aware that he _had_ interrupted something. But neither John or Joss could think of anything to say. Both were a little embarrassed at having been caught by Taylor.

Taylor took control easing the awkwardness. He waved a hand. "Never mind. I'll just leave. Better yet I'll make sure you two are left alone for a little while." With a wink and his grin still in place he walked out.

After a moment John and Joss both laughed even as John pulled Joss back to him.

Joss smiled. "I want to marry you," she said not bothering to hide her thoughts.

John's eyes widened.

"I _do_. But if you need some time, I can wait."

He chuckled running his thumbs in circles over her back. "No. We've done enough waiting, it's just I… I always thought I would be the one to ask that question." Joss laughed at his confused expression and figured she better clarify herself.

"Well I didn't ask, I just said I _want_ to marry you." She waited until his blue eyes lit with understanding. "So…" In response he lowered his head for another kiss.

 **Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I planned to post this earlier this week, but still had some updates to make. But I guess the timing worked out pretty good. Hope a little Careese love makes your Valentine's Day better!**


	12. Chapter 12 Protectors

**Thank you for all the reviews. I appreciate everyone. Reading your thoughts on this story make writing and posting it even more fun for me. Love you all! Thanks again.**

John never did answer Joss's question with one of his own. Instead he decided to wait. Wait until Joss and Kayla's numbers disappeared from the machine's radar. He had been distracted enough with Joss around again. He didn't need to worry about a wedding on top of everything else. To his relief Joss didn't mention it anymore that night. Or into the next day. Instead she remained quiet and they focused on being together. Both he and Taylor remained glued to her side. Even falling asleep on the couch together. Joss in the middle, her head resting on John's shoulder and Taylor on the end, leaning against his mom.

They woke with unpleasant creaks in their necks but it was such a small price to pay to be near each other.

But with the arrival of a new morning they shifted their minds back to the serious matters that urgently needed to be dealt with.

The upcoming meeting with Agent Mueller left Kayla feeling especially nervous. She zipped her jacket trying to keep her fingers steady beneath Taylor's steady gaze.

"You okay?"

She glanced up to find his brown eyes staring back at her with concern. He had just finished giving her a few pointers about keeping her eyes watchful in anticipation of their departure from the safe house.

"Yeah. I think I'll be okay now."

"Don't worry." He placed a hand on hers. "We'll be fine. Oh but you should have one more thing." Reaching into the back of his waist he pulled out a small gun and placed it in her hands. "I have another one upstairs."

Kayla held the piece reacquainting herself with its familiar weight.

"You still remember how to shoot it right?'

She chuckled. "Yeah. If my life depended on it I can aim with great accuracy."

Taylor smiled glad to see the worried look leave her face momentarily. He wanted Kayla and his mom to be able to relax during all this. They had been through enough. He wanted them to be able to let John and him be their protectors this time through.

"And don't forget. If you need to shoot, but don't want to kill…."

"Aim for the kneecaps," they said together.

"Yeah your mom taught me that one when we were working for Vince. I realized after being here that she got that idea from John."

"Yeah," Taylor said around a grin. "It's somewhat his signature move." Taylor rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "Listen Kayla…I'm sorry I didn't believe you before. About my mom."

Without thinking Kayla placed her hand over his mouth to stop him. "Taylor don't." Just as quickly she pulled away. "You had no reason to believe me. I don't blame you for anything you said or did after I told you. I'm just glad you can see for yourself that I was telling the truth."

She held his gaze as a corner of his mouth tilted upward.

"Taylor!" Joss entered the den. "Oh sorry you too. Taylor John wants to talk to you for a second. He upstairs."

Taylor gave a nod. Kayla's eyes followed his form, watching the loving look that he gave his mother before disappearing out of the room. Longing spread through her heart. She had liked Joss from the moment they met months. The woman had been like a mother to her. Supporting her in a way she had needed. But now she liked Joss's life even more. Her friends John and Finch. And her son. Taylor. Although she and Taylor were different and had only known each other a short time, there was so much she understand about him and he about her.

As eager as she was to know her life was safe from Vince's clutches, she was not eager to be separated from these people who, despite the dangers that surrounded them, had formed a close inseparable family.

Something Kayla had always lacked. All Kayla ever had was her intelligence, as Joss knew. It opened doors and got her places she never could've gotten on her own since she lacked a solid support system. But now that she had tasted what it was like to be part of a group that supported each other, was she soon going to find herself on that lonely path she had been trailing before Vince took her captive?

Joss's chin lowered as she peered at Kayla. "You okay sweetheart?"

Blinking Kayla turned away walking a few feet to a chair opposite of the room's window. Trying to avoid Joss's gaze. But Joss didn't miss the moisture in her eyes.

"Hey. What's the matter? I thought you and I didn't have any secrets between us. I'm still your partner you know. Even if we are away from Vince."

That made Kayla give a small smile, but still she sniffed. "I don't know. I guess after all this it'll just a be a little hard to leave you all. I mean I've spent months with you and I haven't know Taylor or John very long, but…"

"Well don't get too worked up. I'm pretty sure they're not going to be in a hurry to get rid of you any time soon. And even they are, I'm not. I want you stay around. You were there for me when I needed you most. Just because we're back home doesn't mean I no longer need you."

Kayla's shoulders lowered.

"Plus," Joss said carefully, "I have a pretty good feeling my son doesn't want you to go either."

Kayla's smile brightened and she blushed. "Really?"

Joss nodded. "And you don't think I'd get married without you."

Kayla's grin grew impossibly large. "You mean John and you decided."

"Well not officially. I think he's just holding off until he knows for sure we're out of danger."

"Jocelyn that's great! I'm so happy for you. It's been such a long wait for you. And I know you worried that he might, you know move on while you were gone."

"Girl you don't know how close I was to losing him. But it's all good now."

"So do you think-"

Neither was ready for the loud bang of a gun or the bullet that shattered the glass of the room's window. A surprised squeal had barely parted from Kayla's lips before the flying bullet landed swiftly to her chest knocking her to the floor behind the chair.

"Kayla!" Joss screamed seeking cover. She had no time to check on her friend, she pulled out her gun hiding behind the couch she aimed and fired. Another gun shot rang out and a bullet flew over her head.

She lifted her weapon to aim once more out the broken window as a lone figure appeared trying to come closer to the window, but ducking in the nick of time.

Vince! Joss thought in a panic. No it couldn't be! How did he find her? Oh God please!

She waited then jumped to her knees to fire again.

"Carter drop it!"

Her head spun to the left in time to see Bailey standing at the entry way of the den after shooting her way through the backdoor. Using the opening Bailey provided, Vince jumped through the window and into the room. His gun still aimed at Joss.

"Drop it!" Bailey shouted.

"Why don't you drop yours."

Joss's heart beat faster at the sound of the deadly threat from John's voice. However before John could round the corner Vince reached her. Slamming a punch to her face he picked Joss up settling her in front of him, he pointed a gun to her head.

"Oh John," he taunted. "You might not want to do that."

John took a few steps, coming into view he peered into the room even as he kept his gun on Bailey who stood just a few feet ahead of him. He peered into the room.

The grim line of his mouth tightened more so at the sight of Joss in Vince's arms.

"You wouldn't want to lose her so soon." Vince stated.

"John shoot her! Don't worry about me."

"Shut up Carter!" Vince warned pressing the gun harder into her temple.

John's world seemed to stop. He refused to lower his weapon, but the gun against Joss made his heart still. He didn't take Vince's threat lightly. Holding back from firing was the only thing preventing a domino effect that would kill one or both of them. He couldn't lose Joss! Not now. Oh God this couldn't be happening?

"How did you find us?" Joss ground out.

Vince laughed. "Did you think I wouldn't be able to find your son Carter? Family's the first place I look. Thankfully your son led me to your boyfriend here. He made himself just a little too accessible. It was fairly easy to find your boyfriend's office. Although I had my doubts he would actually show up there. Lucky for me he was dumb enough to do just that."

Racking his brain, John recalled the events of the past two days. His jaw clenched as he recalled his error. After seeing Iris he _had_ briefly gone to his office where he and Taylor practiced as private investigators. The trip had been short. He only picked up some extra arsenal he wanted to bring to the safe house. But he was careful when he left. No one had followed him. He was sure of it.

John's muscles were tight with anger. He couldn't have failed. He had been so careful. "No one followed me." His voice was so tight and hoarse from reigning in on his anger, that it sounded foreign in his ears. "I _know_ no one followed me."

Vince's lips stretched into a menacing smile. "I knew better than to do that. We placed a tracker on your car while you were in the building. That did the work for us."

John's gaze flickered to Joss, her eyes dimmed at the news. He tried to send her silent apology. John hated himself. He had let his emotions cause him to be careless. He had led these people directly to Kayla and Joss. They had been watching probably for hours. Anticipating the moment to attack. And he hadn't even noticed.

John swallowed, his eyes cold. "You. Won't. Get. Away. With. This."

"I admire your courage, but you fail to grasp that I hold the upper hand in this." He pressed Joss closer to him to prove his point.

"John just shoot." Joss cried before feeling Vince's gun press painfully into her temple. She wanted John to shoot. It was his only chance. There was no way Bailey and Vince would let him walk out of her alive. She couldn't watch them take John away from her. He deserved better than this. And Taylor needed him. One of them had to survive for Taylor's sake.

John couldn't move. If he shot the woman, it would make Vince kill Joss. And he couldn't lose her. Couldn't watch her die when he just got her back. Couldn't bear seeing her blood pour from her body and take her life again. Couldn't let Taylor go through that grief again. He barely made it through the first time.

Joss fought a whimper seeing his indecision. Then Joss's eyes suddenly caught movement behind the chair where Kayla had fallen. Where mysteriously no blood rested. A second later she saw the gun sticking out from the chair's side, aimed past John. Then its blast sounded. Bailey went down with a cry as blood dampened her jeans at the knee. Before Joss drew breath another blast sounded. Vince grunted in Joss's ear his grip loosening. Taking the moment Joss grabbed his wrist twisting out of his hold and freeing the gun from his grasp.

Vince fell to the floor clinging to his bloody leg. Confused John and Joss looked up to see Taylor jumping through the same window that had been shattered from Vince and Bailey's earlier shots.

Joss exhaled at the sight of her son. "Taylor!" She wrapped her son in her arms. He held her tight his heart still racing. "W-what-"

"I heard the shots. John had already started coming downstairs when I heard them. I told Finch to stay upstairs. I snuck out the front door and around the back."

"And Kayla," Joss asked as she pulled away suddenly remembering the shot the girl had taken. John had rid Bailey of her gun and moved to Kayla pulling the girl to her feet. His actions were numbly carried out as he tried to grasp the reality of the situation.

"Are you-" he started to ask.

Kayla groaned. "I'm okay." She took a breath her face scrunched in pain. "Taylor…suggested I wear a vest." Pulling up her shirt she showed them the vest that very well saved her life. "Good call," she added with a smile. "Oh and thanks for the gun." She held up the weapon nodding to Taylor before looking at John. "You know… you trained him pretty well."

Despite herself Joss laughed. Holding her arms Kayla walked to her and leaned against her feeling Joss cup her head. "Thank God you're okay," Joss whispered as she pulled away. She then turned to John. She ran her fingers over his face.

"It's okay," she whispered trying to pull him from his state of shock. "We're okay."

He nodded slowly pulling her with jerky movements to his chest and kissing her temple. His breathing unsteady.

"I love you," Joss whispered. When his grip loosened she turned again to Taylor and kissed his cheek. "I love you too." She needed to say it. Needed her boys to know how much she loved them.

Taylor blinked his eyes brimming with tears. "I can't believe he tried to take you from me again."

His face turning cold, Taylor shifted his gaze to look down at Vince. They all mirrored his actions. Staring coldly at the man who had taken so much from them. Who had caused unspeakable pain.

Angry and hurting from his wound, Vince bit his lip looking up at the figures that stared down at him. He took uneven breaths.

"I could've killed you know." Taylor said darkly. "I want you to remember that. Your life was in my hands today. I could have easily aimed that bullet at your back and taken you out. No one would've blamed me. After what you caused me."

Gently Joss touched her son's arm shocked at seeing him this cold and unfeeling. Her heart aching as she saw a glimpse at how much her son had suffered while she was gone.

Vince took a breath and watched his tone as he carefully asked, "What stopped you?"

In a blink some of the darkness left his face. Taylor glanced at John even as he took his mother's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "You made me promise to not seek revenge. If I killed him, it would've been my choice. _Not_ because there wasn't any other option. I knew I could get him to let go of Mom without killing him. I didn't want lose your trust. And I wasn't sure I could live with myself knowing that I'd killed him."

Unable to speak John placed a hand on Taylor's shoulder and nodded. Never would he have thought that training Taylor would have benefitted him to this degree. The boy's actions had saved himself and his mom. He shuddered now to think what would have happened today if he had denied Taylor's request to let him work with them those many months ago.

"Besides," Taylor added a corner of his mouth lifting, a gleam in his eye as he again looked at Vince. "Taking you in directly to Agent Mueller and watching you fall is going to be so much better than watching you die."

His jaw locked Vince clutched his leg, his head drifting to rest against the floor. Finally accepting defeat.


	13. Chapter 13 Starting Again

**Thanks for all the reviews on the previous chapter. Wanted to give a shout out to SWWoman who left a review on earlier chapter that inspired me to use Taylor to rescue John and Joss in the previous chapter. (Yes I waited until she reviewed the last chapter to see if she liked it before I said anything). You all help give me ideas even through reviews so thank you. I never know when a review will trigger an idea.**

After weeks of interrogations, FBI agents, testimonies, signed statements, and federal charges everyone was eager for a night in which Vince and any connection with the FBI's case was not mentioned or thought of.

So when Taylor suggested they spend a night at the park for a special outdoor movie showing no one- including Finch- hesitated to agree and follow along. Even Shaw and Fusco tagged joined them.

They sat together among the hundreds of people, watching the large screen that had been set up for the event.

For John it was the most restful night he had seen since Joss's return. Sure all of them, excluding Finch, were packing, but their guns had no use on tonight, other than a precautionary measure. There was no shooting, running, interrogations, or lurking danger. For the first time he could taste what life with Joss would be like. Under his new identity as a man who did not have to live in darkness. Tonight he could appreciate having everyone who was most important in his life with him now without the moment being darkened with reqret.

Joss sighed and rested her head against John's shoulder. She really wasn't paying much attention to the movie. She was too busy watching her son and Kayla flirt, tossing popcorn at each other, and too busy watching John. Everything had been pure chaos since coming home and the moments like this, where she could just sit and enjoy having her life back, had been too few.

She felt John look down at her before his fingers applied pressure to her chin, tilting her face upward so she could look into his face. He drew closer and her eyes slipped closed when his lips brushed hers. The kiss ended too quickly.

"Let's take a walk," he said softly causing Joss to smile.

Understanding he wanted to be alone from the others, she stood taking his hand. "We'll be back."

The others spared them a glance and John and Joss set off down the wide paved pathway that weaved throughout the park.

They walked a while. Away from the lights that drew the crowd and into the darker more abandoned spots of the park. John wrapped his arm around her shoulders causing Joss to glance around nervously seeking out onlookers. It was a second before she laughed at herself and relaxed against his side.

It still was an adjustment for her to believe that John now could be open about their relationship. They didn't have to hide or look over their shoulders. His new identity allowed him to date and be with her like any other man.

She looked up at him and he smiled. A large smile that reached his eyes. He had been doing that a lot lately.

"I like seeing you this way," she said softly, like a thought spoken aloud.

"What way?"

"You seem so…" She fought to find the right words. "Free." She tested that word, then nodded. "Yes. Free. I don't feel like I have to work so hard to get past all your walls and see who you really are beneath the layers. You don't even hold onto guilt anymore like you used to. Take the issue with Vince. I thought you'd still be beating yourself up over that mistake. But look at you. You haven't mentioned it since that day."

He grew serious. "I started to. I know it's my fault he found you. I was careless. But… I still had a hand in stopping him. Taylor wouldn't have been there to shoot him, if I hadn't let him work with us. I screwed up, but something else that _I_ did kept it from being a fatal mistake."

Joss raised her eyebrows. Could this be the same John Reese who never let himself catch a break? "Wow. You really have changed."

He laughed. "You can blame your son for that. I couldn't keep holding onto guilt with him around. In order to help him, _really_ help him, I had to let go of my mistakes. I had to learn to open up to him." His hand cupped her shoulder, squeezing it gently. "If you had been around, I would've gotten to this place with you eventually. But Taylor, he was so distraught and fragile in those early days. I knew I had to give him everything _then_. Tear down every barrier just to give him hope to face every day."

She smiled softly, placing her hand over his, seeing how much he had come to love her child. "It's amazing how loving a child, can change you. Isn't it?"

"Yeah. Thanks for sharing him with me. I wouldn't have made it as long as I did, if I hadn't had him. But I think you knew that."

Her eyes drifted away as she recalled the promise she made him keep before she drew what she thought would be her last breath.

They stood there holding onto each other in the quiet. Without a word, John gripped her hand turning her until they were toe to toe. His other hand came to rest at her waist and he started to sway their bodies. There was no music floating through the park, but he set a pace for them. Joss followed his lead swaying silently with him. He twirled her out and pulled her back into his chest, causing her to grin harder. They swayed again rocking on their heels. Again he twisted her out and the shadows embraced her for a moment before she was spinning again towards him. Joss's steps faltered when she found herself staring at darkness and John no longer in her ray of vision.

Confused her eyes finally lowered and slowly took in the sight before her. John on bended knee, hand raised and a ring nestled between his forefinger and thumb. Joss sucked in a breath. The round diamond that was lifted up to her, sparkled amidst six sapphire stones. Three stones resting on either side of the diamond all held together by a titanium band.

"John," she exhaled looking into his eyes. And she realized those blue irises were the real jewels she couldn't tear her gaze from.

"I didn't forget Joss. I know it's been weeks. I just wanted to ask you without danger or guns at our backs." A lump formed in his throat and his voice came out far huskier than usual. "I love you Jocelyn Carter. Will you give us the chance finish what we started that night, when I told you, you changed me. Will you marry me?"

"Yes John." She nodded. "Yes."

John tenderly slid the ring over her slim finger. He remained on his knee and kissed her fingers his eyes closing in the process. He took a pause just to hold her hand a second longer. To remind himself this wasn't a dream. Gripping his hand Joss tugged him to his feet. Her arms snaked around his neck and she lowered his head meeting his lips with hers.

…

Finch, Taylor, and Kayla watch John and Joss from their place on the bridge. They had waited until John and Joss walked away before they ran to the bridge that overlooked the park in order to wait for the two. John had warned them of his plans for tonight. Thankfully they reach the location John had picked out, before Joss and John reached it.

When Taylor saw John slip the ring on his mom's finger he smiled and threw an arm around Kayla and Finch.

"I am so happy." He announced and felt Kayla lean against him. Which gave him yet another reason to be happy.

 _"_ _Then it's done? Wonder Boy finally popped the question?"_ Fusco questioned through his earpiece. Both he and Shaw had stayed behind to continue watching the movie.

"Yes."

Shaw moaned around a mouthful of popcorn. _"Finally. Now I won't have to hear that just friends crap ever again. I can't believe it took all this for Reese to pick up his feet."_

"So Finch you got any experience planning weddings?" Taylor asked with a grin.

Finch chuckled. "Not particularly, no. But I'm certain I could be of assistance if it is required of me. Now that we have a moment alone, I wish to speak with you both. Detective Fusco and Ms. Shaw kindly excuse us."

Taylor lifted his arm from its place on Finch's shoulder, eyeing him warily. "What is it now?"

"No reason for alarm young Carter." Angling his body Finch met Taylor's gaze. A trace of sadness revealed itself behind his glasses causing Taylor to be all the more puzzled. "You know how reluctant I once was for you to work with us."

"Yeah. That's pretty hard to forget."

"Well, permitting you to join us has been one of the soundest decisions I have made yet. You've been a true asset to our team and nothing would give me more honor than for you to continue working alongside us."

Taylor lowered his chin silently urging Finch to continue. "I cannot however forget that the reason you joined us in the beginning was because you were grieving your mother. And you wanted to take her place in bringing justice to the world and in working with John."

Taylor glanced over the bridge spying his mother and John still below. "Uh huh."

His shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath. "Well your mother has returned. And since we have been occupied with ensuring her safety, I know there has not been time for you to grasp what her return can mean for you and for the direction in which you choose to take your life going forward."

Taylor's gaze searched the ground as he listened carefully to Finch.

"I just want you to know that… if in time you should decide that working with us… no longer carries the importance it once did for you, you have my complete support if you should choose to forgo working with us. And pursue another occupation."

Taylor blinked several times, brow furrowing in a thoughtful frown. He definitely had not seen this coming. "Just so we're clear, you're not firing me. Are you Finch?"

He laughed. "No. Not in the least. I just wanted to speak on mine and John's behalf to let you know that you will have our support no matter what you decide."

"Why didn't John just talk to me about this?"

"I don't think it would have been easy for him to discuss you changing careers. He has become attached to working with you, so I decided to speak for the team." Without giving Taylor another chance to respond, Finch's gaze shifted to Kayla who had remained quiet, listening and watching Taylor's reaction throughout the short conversation.

"As for you Ms. Santiago," Finch took a step toward her and her eyes widened. She threw a look to Taylor for reassurance. A habit she had developed in the past few weeks. "Recent events have placed in you a very interesting position regarding your involvement with us."

"Oh?" she chose her words carefully wanting Finch to do more talking before she jumped to conclusions.

"Yes. You've seen far more of the workings of our operation than any other individual we've aided in the past. I must say I was impressed with your skills and the way you assisted us on this case."

She smiled softly. "Thank you."

"Perhaps… you would like to permanently use those skill to continue assisting us."

Kaya's eyes widened as her mouth dropped open. "A-are you saying-"

"Wait! Wait wait wait," Taylor cut in frowning. "You're kidding me right! You're really offering her a job that easy! You've only known Kayla a few weeks- no offence Kayla. If not for my mom you wouldn't have a clue who she is."

"True," Finch agreed calmly.

Kayla tried to speak but was cut off by Taylor.

"I had to _threaten_ John to get you to let me work with you! What's up?"

Finch shifted on his feet his face full of amusement. "I know. But you understand that we were _trying_ to protect you. You were much younger then. And Ms. Santiago is not the age you were when you first started with us."

Taylor smacked his lips.

"Further she's already been exposed to danger due to her assisting the FBI and of course most recently assisting us. I thought it just as well to make her an offer."

"Why?" Taylor asked cutting in again. "Why so easy?" He glanced at Kayla. "I mean I trust you Kayla, it's just," he looked back to Finch, "this seems so unlike you."

Finch sighed. "Well, you can say that I would like to ensure that my mission in life is carried on by the next generation. It is time I stopped pretending as if things will always remain as they are. Time I start preparing for the day in which I am no longer here. And I have found a candidate- much like yourself- that is worth my investment."

Taylor's shoulders fell. That answer appeased him.

"Ms. Santiago," Finch addressed Kayla. "I do not expect an answer tonight. From either of you for that matter. I simply wanted you to be aware of your options. You may approach me when you are ready."

Throwing a glance over the bridge Finch walked on leaving the young adults feeling unsettled.

Kayla's heart was beating rapidly. She placed her hand against the cool metal railing of the bridge to brace herself.

She could understand Taylor's surprise. She couldn't believe Harold Finch had been so willing to offer her a position. Sure he let her help on the case, but she was personally involved in it, so why wouldn't he? And yes she knew he was impressed with her skills, but a job?

For the past few weeks she had refrained from asking if Harold was looking for a new member to add to his team, for fear that she would be shot down. It was obvious the man didn't hold up the 'Help Wanted' sign very often.

"Well that was interesting." Taylor's voice broke into her thoughts. He leaned onto the rail staring down as his mom and John who were still wrapped up in each other.

Kayla looked to Taylor and bit her lip as she remembered the offer Mr. Finch had given Taylor. Whereas he was offering her a place on his team, he was offering Taylor a way out. What if he took Finch up on his offer?

Taylor wasn't like her. He would be connected to these people no matter what he decided thanks to his mom and John. He could easily leave. But part of the fun in being with this team was being with Taylor. Sure Joss had been her partner when Vince had them captive, but Joss had her John back now. Things had changed and she no longer spent every minute of her day with Jocelyn. But she had spent a lot of time with Taylor. And they made a good team too. Would she want to stay if he left?

"So… is he right?"

"About?" Taylor kept his concentration on the adults below.

"You not… thinking about how your mom being back could… you know change your life?"

"Yeah," he admitted reluctantly. "He was right." Taylor sighed. Taylor's thoughts raced. Finch made a good point. John had his old partner back and he had his mom. At last he was free from his grief. He didn't even need to chase down the guys who had caused all this trouble anymore. His original reasons for working with John and Finch were now null and void. Not once had he thought about this. The dots just never connected.

"I don't… I don't want to think about that right now. There's been too many serious things we've had to deal with lately. Not to mention all the changes. I just want to enjoy my mom being back for a while before I think about doing anything drastic. I want to enjoy watching my mom and John get married. Then, I'll think about my life."

Kayla nodded taking a deep breath. Everything in her wanted to jump at this opportunity to stay beside Joss and the security Mr. Finch offered, but Taylor was right. Finch was giving them time to figure things out for a reason. If Taylor didn't need to rush and make a decision, she didn't need to either. They both needed to take the time offered and thoroughly think things through.

"Yeah. What's the harm in waiting."

Slipping beside Taylor she brushed his arm with hers and joined him in staring down below.


	14. Chapter 14 Balanced

Taylor held his phone in one hand while patting Bear's head with the other. It had been a long, but good day and he was exhausted. The top button of his dress shirt had been freed from its hold and his undone bow tie hung round his neck.

Weddings- even small ones- were a lot of work. But he found in this case, the stress had been well worth it. He chuckled to himself. His life had turned around so quickly.

Finally he had given his mom away to John and John was now officially his stepdad. Taylor stared at his phone seeing the picture that Finch had taken of him, John, and his mom. Repeatedly he touched the screen whenever it started to go dim. Needing to see the image a little while longer.

The sound of heels clicking against the floor made him look up. Kayla came towards him, her champagne colored bridesmaid dress swinging at her feet.

"Hey," she greeted.

"Hey."

She lowered her body to sit beside him. Fiddling with her earring, she teased her bottom lip with her teeth and Taylor bit back a snicker. He knew she was trying to figure out the best way to approach the topic. The one he hadn't spoken of since the night John had popped the question to his mom.

Taylor was puzzled. He didn't understand why Kayla delayed accepting Finch's offer. He knew she wanted to be part of the team. Did his decision to stay or leave bear that much weight on hers?

"You looked really pretty today," he commented.

"Thanks. Your mom has good taste when it comes to bridesmaid dresses."

"I'll say. I still can't believe she got Shaw into one."

Kayla laughed. "I know. But Shaw has a lot of respect for your mom. I think she thinks of her as her bestie. Not that she'd ever admit it- and don't tell her I said that."

Taylor moved his fingers over his mouth to make like he was zipping his lips. "Thanks for standing with my mom today."

"Of course. I'm glad she wanted me there. She was really happy. I don't think you know how much she wished for this day. She was so afraid that something would happen and she'd make it back to John too late."

Taylor smiled scratching Bear's ear. "She had nothing to worry about," he mumbled. He shifted his body deciding to end Kayla's wait. "So, you're probably wondering if I've thought anymore about what Finch said."

Her mouth curled upward in a guilty smile. "Can you blame me?"

"Well I have. I don't know today it hit me. John really does have his partner back. If I quit, I won't have to worry about him or my mom because I know they'll watch out for each other. And we're family now so it's not like I'll lose John if I quit. After what we've been through, we'll always be close."

Kayla shifted. Nervously if Taylor read her body language right. He didn't call her on it.

"If I quit I can go back to my original plans. Plans I spent my high school years preparing for. I could be a full-time student. Get a good job, live an ordinary life. Be the guy I was before."

"Yeah. You could."

Face serious, Taylor looked at Kayla. "But I can't."

Her head tilted as she peered closer at him.

"I can't be the guy I was then. It's great to have my mom back, but it doesn't erase everything. I still thought she was dead for two years. I've learned how to love the work I do- I can't go back to being the kid I was before this mess happened. And I don't want to. You know?"

Kayla bobbed her head up and down quickly. "Yes! Of course I know. Six months ago I was just some braniac. And a bit of loner. Ok I admit I was a lot like Mr. Finch. Nerdy- but I was not as afraid of guns. I wanted to do something with my intelligence. Something meaningful. So when I received the offer to assist the FBI I took it.

But when Vince captured me, I understood the full impact of this line of work. It saves people. Innocent people. And also, thanks to your mom, I saw that this line of work can be fun. I don't feel that I could go back to just being the braniac again. Not when I know that my intelligence and my skills could save a life. I think I belong here more than I do any other place in the world."

"Then you're staying?"

She grinned. "Yes."

Taylor wrapped his arms around Kayla and pulled her close for a tight hug. When Kayla thought he would pull away, he held her tighter.

"If we stay we'll be the ones to keep Finch's work going when the others can't anymore."

Kayla closed her eyes for a moment letting the weight of the news settle in her. This was a lifelong commitment. "I know. I'm glad he trusts us."

"I'm glad you're staying Kayla," Taylor said as he pulled away. "But you've got you're work cut out for you."

"What do you mean?"

He chuckled. "You'll have to go through training."

She scoffed. "You make it sound like I'm walking into this blindly. I have some skills. Or did you forget I've been working with your mom for months?"

"Oh no I remember. But you haven't had all the training you're going to need. Believe me. Finch won't turn you loose on a case, until you go through it. So I hope you're ready,"

She folder her arms her chin lifting defiantly. "I can handle it Taylor Carter. I don't like to fail."

Taylor fought a laugh seeing the fire in her eyes. Oh yeah, they were going to make a good team too. "I'm not worried about you Kayla. If I survived, I'm sure you will too."

…..

Joss's eyes fluttered. Moaning she allowed her lids to open. Daylight brightened the room even though the day was overcast, and no ray of sunshine pierced through the clouds. The blankets were warm, but the body beside her was even warmer.

Joss eased onto her side, her cheek connecting with John's shoulder. She rested there and allowed her eyes to drink their fill of him. His breaths were deep and steady. Black lashes resting against cheeks that were lean and slack with sleep. Her gaze lowered and she spotted one of many scars near his collarbone. Her finger tips ran over the scar.

Joss blushed as she remembered John's tenderness and the many passionate kisses they had shared through the night and into the early morning hours. John had always been an intense person. Their night together had proved that he loved just as intensely as he did everything else in life.

In many ways he was the same man she had always known. He could transform into the man in the suit in a blink. Cold and detached. While saving his gentler side for those he loved. Although he was in many ways the same one thing had changed.

He no longer needed her the way he once had. Before Vince, she was the one who connected John to humanity. His moral compass. But now, thanks to Taylor, he had learned to let others in. He lived in the light. As close to an ordinary life as he could have.

Now he needed her just to hold his heart. To love all of him. To not be a woman he had to hide part of himself from.

Sometimes Joss wondered if that factor separated her from his ex-girlfriend. Had she been able to love all of John? At times Joss had considered taking Taylor's advice and asking john about his relationship with the woman. But the jealous fearful part of her always held back. Not only did she not want to hear John talk about being with another woman, but she also didn't want him to feel guilty for trying to move on.

Still sometimes she couldn't help but wonder how much John actually allowed his ex-girlfriend to know about him. What hold had she on him to even cause John to try a relationship.

It had taken years and a threat against his life before he confessed anything to her. Why had he moved so quickly with someone else?

Joss shook her head. Why was she even thinking this way? There was no need to worry about that anymore. She had John exactly where she wanted him. He needed someone to love all of him and that's what he got.

And now she had the man she loved.

One who could help her fight away the terrors in the night when they came back to haunt her. Once the shock of being back wore off the dreams started. Dreams that she died in Vince's clutches. Or that she came back only to stare at her son or John's grave.

But John was here now to pull _her_ back to reality. To help _her_ reconnect to her old life.

It was funny how in many ways they had switched places. But they still balanced each other out. They were still connected and grounded in their strong friendship.

Yawning Joss stretched beneath the covers, her stomach growling in the process. Easing up she placed a kiss to John's slack cheek. Then started carefully extracting herself from the bed. She sighed when John didn't stir and placed her feet on the cool floor.

She went to his suitcase and pulled out his long-sleeved pull over sweater. Throwing it over her head it stopped several inches above her knees. She found a comb and ran it through her hair which she'd gone back to wearing straight now that she could make regular hair appointments at the salon again. Throwing the strains into a high ponytail she gave John another glance.

He was still sprawled across the large bed. A tempting sight even in his sleep.

Quietly, she left the room.

…..

 _John, John._

John smiled lazily, hearing her sighs and the sweet caress of his name on her lips. Amidst her soft laughter in the quiet of their bed. It was an addicting sound. One he wanted to hear over and over again.

He couldn't picture a time in his life when he'd felt complete the way he had in the long hours he spent with Joss. He would never meet a woman, fighter, and partner like Jocelyn Carter. Correction, Jocelyn Riley.

The woman he thought he had lost forever. Had he truly shared such a memorable night with?

John stirred in his sleep reaching for her, longing to feel her near again… but his arms came up empty. The bed cold where she should have been. His eyes snapped open. Franticly his hands searched the bed finding nothing but overturned sheets.

John sat up in a panic, his heart racing.

No! It couldn't have been a dream. She was here. She was alive. Wasn't she? He had found her. Taylor _saw_ her! It wasn't a dream. They got married.

John took in his surroundings. The room was not his apartment. It was the hotel suite Finch had booked for him and Joss. He looked down at his hand and his heart rate began to slow.

There was a ring on his left hand. A ring he knew had been placed there by Joss. At that moment he heard a knock on the main door that led into their suite. Footsteps sounded lightly from the sitting room that was hidden from his view. A moment later he heard Joss's voice. He expelled a breath and fell against the headboard.

It wasn't a dream. He _had_ lived those sweet hours.

He had Taylor- he fingered the ring - and he had Joss.

…

Joss gazed at the view the sixteenth floor provided. It was a chilly day. She knew that without opening the screen that led to the outside balcony. Despite the overcast sky the view was captivating.

She bit into a piece of cantaloupe. Sweet and juicy. The view and the tasty fruit had the hotel living up to its five-star rating. Slowly her gaze slid over to find John standing a few feet away. She hadn't heard him approach. He hadn't lost his touch to sneak up on her.

Her eyes slowly ran over his frame. Wearing pajama bottoms, black t-shirt, and barefoot. His hair was still ruffled from sleep. Looking as if he had only rubbed a hand through it to try and tame the strains. He looked good in his suits. Always had, but now he was just as alluring.

He smirked at her open admiration. "See something you like Detective?"

She curved her lips in a smirk of her own hearing him call her detective. "Yes. I always have." She waved a hand toward the tray. "Hungry?"

"Yes." He lowered his body into the empty chair next to Joss's. Close, but for Joss not quite close enough. While John was looking at the arrangement of fruit and pastries, Joss rose and settled herself on his lap.

John's arms came around to support her. "Did I miss something Joss? Or did you forget your chair is over there?"

She grinned, tracing a finger over his cheek bones. "I didn't forget. It's just why would I sit _way_ over there, when there's plenty of room for me here."

In response he kissed her softly before grabbing a piece of fruit.

"This is some hotel Finch put us in," she commented looking around the sitting room. "Although I don't understand why you would pick to have our honeymoon here, when the weather's on the cold side."

He lifted one shoulder. "I don't have plans of going out much. Do you?" he gave her a heated stare that had her understanding his meaning.

"I guess not." Joss held a strawberry to his lips. He took a bite before she popped the remains into her own mouth.

"How do you like being married to me?"

"Hmm well I think Jocelyn Reese has a better ring to it than Jocelyn Riley," she teased making him laugh low in his chest. "But the man's the same so the name change is a small price to pay. Besides, John Riley doesn't have to hide and has a cover that puts him on the right side of the law. I'll take that."

Joss leaned against his chest nibbling on fruit and occasionally feeding John some more bites.

When he peered at her with a curious gaze she frowned. "What?"

"You haven't mentioned it once."

"What are you… talking about?"

"Taylor. You know Finch gave him the choice to leave and you haven't talked about it at all."

She blinked and took another piece of cantaloupe.

"If he stays, how are you going to feel about permanently working with your son?" John knew although she had accepted his decision to allow Taylor to join the team, she still had her fears for her son's safety and preferred he pursue a safer career.

"It's Taylor's choice. His life not mine. You taught him all you could and he's made it this far, I know he'll be okay. I'm not saying I'm not scared, but if my son had to put up with me endangering my life for years, then I can put up with him working for Finch. I owe Taylor that much."

John gave her a look that said he was impressed with her answer, although a little surprised.

"I think the real question is how are _you_ going to handle it if he decides he _does_ want to leave?" Joss watched him closely.

He shifted and grunted. "I can let go," he said but Joss heard the defensiveness in his tone and raised a brow. "What about Kayla? You're okay working with her?"

"Of course. Kayla's better off with us. And Shaw already agreed to help train her. So if she makes it through that, she'll be able to handle whatever's out on the streets. But back to Taylor and no more deflecting."

He rolled his eyes. "You're not going to try to keep Taylor from leaving if that's what he wants?"

"I said I can let go," he growled. Joss only snickered. She was really enjoying this, John thought. Had it been a year ago he would have welcomed Taylor choosing another career. But working with Taylor, seeing him from day to day, getting his incite on cases had become part of the joy of working. He would miss not having Taylor constantly there. And yes he would miss not being able to check up on Taylor so closely. He had never had to be responsible for another person the way he had to be for Taylor. Cutting that feeling of protectiveness would not be easy.

Joss laughed and shook her head. She kissed his cheek unable to resist his pouty face. "I never thought I would have to give _you_ the pep talk for letting Taylor go."

His face softened and his fingers caressed the back of her neck. His chest expanded as he took in a long breath. "I'll let go if that's what he wants Joss. I won't lie to you, it's not going to be easy for me. But it'll be easier to do since I at least have you."

This time she pecked his lips. "Thank you. But I don't think you'll have anything to worry about. If I know Kayla she's staying and I'm pretty sure Taylor won't want to go anywhere. Her staying is going to tug on Taylor so things might go in your favor after all."

"Well if he stays, I've already warned him not to rush into anything with Kayla."

Joss's brow furrowed so John went on even as he stroked the smooth skin on her neck with the back of his knuckles. Remembering the way that skin had felt against his lips. "I know he cares for her, but if they're going to be working together. A relationship this early could distract them. They're still young and I want him to be sure they have want it takes to last."

"So does that mean Taylor told you how he feels about Kayla?"

"Maybe," he murmured, eyes fixed on the curve of her neck. Unable to resist the temptation any longer he leaned forward.

A spark of jealousy hit her. "Well aren't you going…" Joss paused at the feel of John's lips against the tender spot beneath her ear. She took a breath. "…to tell me what he said? I _am_ his mother."

"Some things Joss… he needs to talk to me about. I can't go behind his back and tell you… everything. You wouldn't do that to Kayla." Without a sound he pulled her hair band out and freed her hair. His fingers plunging through the strains.

"Oh I see. So you're saying some things are going to be secrets between you two. Like that…." He trailed kisses down her neck. His mouth so soft. His kisses making her breaths shallow. And slowing her thoughts. "…like that motorcycle gift… you got Taylor that-that you think I don't… don't know about."

"It was a birthday gift," he murmured against her skin.

"A- a dangerous…dangerous gift…"Joss moaned softly missing John's smile as he successfully distracted her. He tugged at the sweatshirt she wore, pulling it down further so that he could trail kisses over a collarbone.

"I love you," he expelled on a breath making Joss forget all other thought. John smiled wickedly. He had her just where he wanted.

Joss's feet fell to the floor as John rose. Taking her hands, he walked backwards leading her towards the bedroom.

"What are you up to?" she purred.

"Oh I think you know Detective," he said in a sultry voice that again had her breaths turning shallow. "But I'll give you a hint, it's the same thing I had on my mind early this morning."

"Mmm. Then it _has_ to be the same thing you were thinking of last night. John Riley you seem to have one track mind."

His arms slipped under her legs and he scooped her off the floor placing her gently in the center of the bed and leaning over her. "What can I say? I wasted months of lonely nights grieving you." A trace of sadness touched her eyes that he would soon remove. His fingers ran over her lips as his voice grew huskier. "I'm just making up for all the time that we lost."

 **Thanks again everyone for sticking this story out. After this looooong journey I wanted to end with lots of Careese love. You all have been awesome with the review/views. Special thanks to those I can't thank in private messages. I have an epilogue that I will add as the official conclusion for this story.**


	15. Chapter 15 Epilogue

_There will never be a day I won't think of you_

 _…_ _._

 _On my way home._

Joss smiled at the text from John. Two weeks since the honeymoon and they were back in their old flow. Kayla was in training. Struggling through each day to make it past her aches and pains from extensive exercises. Thriving off the moral support Joss and Taylor provided.

Taylor, although deciding to continue his work with the team, temporarily was cutting back on hours in order to devote more time to completing his degree. A desire he wanted to fulfil in hopes of using more skills to improve his work for Finch. As for Joss and John they were still adjusting to their life as a married couple and were back to working the cases full time.

Joss enjoyed the thrill of being able to do this work again. Surrounded by familiar faces and of course able to work with her favorite partner once more. They had just solved their latest case. The only thing left was for John to escort the number to the airport. Judging from his text he had completed that task.

She glanced over at Taylor who sat in the kitchen studying. Joss enjoyed living so close to her son especially when it allowed for him to make such frequent visits to the apartment she shared with John.

Crossing to him Joss slipped up to his side. He didn't look up from his book, but his lips curved upward. Suddenly Joss placed multiple kisses on her son's cheek. He didn't fight back. In fact for weeks he had been receptive to her random displays affection. Quite a contrast from the seventeen-year-old boy she had left behind who was quick to remind her that he wasn't a little kid anymore. Joss paused. "Aren't you going to push me away? You used to not like me giving you a ton of kisses.

"That's cuz I took it for granted back ten. I can endure it now." He said with smirk.

"Well I'm sure if it were Kayla here instead of me, you would do more than just endure it," she challenged still eager to learn what information Taylor had shared with John about her young friend.

Taylor grinned, an ornery gleam appearing in his eye. "If it were Kayla I'd let her give me more than just a kiss on the cheek."

"Oh really?" Joss's brow raised. She leaned onto the space next to Taylor and looked at her son. "And have you let her give you more than a kiss on the cheek?"

"Mom no. Relax. Nothing has happened with us. I haven't even asked her on a date. I'm serious! I'm too busy with school and she's half dead from training. You've seen her. She's barely making it from day to day. Now's not the time for us to date. Besides John already warned me not to rush into anything. I know better than to cross him. He's still the boss. No matter how long I've worked for Finch."

She nodded admiring Taylor's respect for John. "But you do want to ask Kayla out eventually. Right?"

"Mom," Taylor groaned. "You know I like her. Can't we leave it at that? I can't tell you everything about her. Especially when I know she's going to talk to you about me. That's just weird."

Joss rolled her eyes. Of course he was right.

"Ask me anything else." He pulled out his phone pulling up his newest text message.

"Ok. Why don't you tell me about that motorcycle John gave you?'

He chuckled not looking up. "Give John a break. It was gift. I needed it to get around easier. I'm careful. And I always… have my helmet."

"What's the matter?" Joss asked seeing her son's brow furrow as he stared at his phone.

"Oh. This weird message Fusco sent me. I don't know what he's talking about." Taylor lifted his phone for Joss to see.

 _Sorry but Cinderella won't take no for an answer. She has to see it for herself._

"What-" the door buzzed interrupting Joss. Her steps echoed as she left Taylor's side and went to the door. Fusco's strange text again ran through her mind at the sight of a thin redhead on the other side.

She paused for only a moment before undoing the locks and pulling the door back. "Yes?"

The redhead started rubbing her fingers together appearing more than a little anxious. "Um h-hi. Um I was… just looking for- does John Riley live here?"

"Uh…"

"I know John. I'm Iris Campbell. I hired him some time back to investigate a case for me," she rushed to explain speaking clearly for the first time. "He helped me and also utilized the services of a Detective Fusco to assist him. John and I … used to spend a lot of time together after he finished the case. But I haven't heard from him and just wanted to see how my… friend was doing. I was able to locate Detective Fusco and he told me this was where I could find John. Is he here?"

Joss replayed the woman's words in her mind, trying to piece the information together. Wait! Was this woman John's ex-girlfriend? She talked as if she had spent a lot of time with him. Yet seemed to fall short of admitting she and John had shared a romantic relationship.

If this was his ex, what had brought her here? She had to know by now that John was married. And completely _un_ available. But maybe she came here to cause trouble. John never told Joss how he had broken things off with his ex. Although Joss could imagine the break hadn't been pretty.

Joss's eyes rolled over the woman. Thin, uncertain of herself. She didn't appear to pose a threat. Even if she should try anything, Joss knew she could take her. The Nano at her backside was in easy reach.

"Actually John's on his way. I expect him in a few minutes. If you'd like, you can come in and wait for him." Joss stepped back giving the woman a chance to come in.

"You- you don't mind?"

"No. Please."

"Oh ok. T-thank you."

"And you said your name was Iris?"

"Yes." Joss lead the woman to the living room. Her eyes making quick work to take in the space. "And forgive me I didn't get your name."

Joss didn't hear Iris's question as she looked into the kitchen only to find Taylor gone. His book was still sitting where he had left it. She knew he wouldn't have left her alone with this woman after receiving Fusco's text. Perhaps he was listening on from a hidden place. Prepared to defend her if this woman- Iris- should try anything.

"What- oh I'm sorry I'm Jocelyn Riley." She extended her hand.

Iris took Joss's hand, but a stunned look had her stiffening. "Jocelyn _Riley_?"

"John's wife."

She blinked recovering and cleared her throat. "I had heard John had married, I just wasn't for certain. It seemed so sudden I didn't believe it."

There was an awkward silence. Iris hugged herself and turned her gaze toward the windows. Joss bit her lip. What was she doing? She was an interrogator. She had been looking for this moment. Iris had stepped into _her_ home. This was her chance to get answers.

"So you said you and John were _friends_?"

Iris's eyes widened. No doubt she did not want to reveal the true nature of her relationship with John, since she was aware of who Joss was. "Yes. Like I said I hired John to work a case for me. We spent a fair amount of time together. Kept in touch. I got to know a lot about him. At the time he was in _need_ of a friend."

Joss tilted her head at the way Iris spoke those last few words. They sounded accusatory. Which sparked Joss's curiosity even as she felt jealously rising its green head. "Well John has had a hard time letting people in. You must've been one of the lucky ones."

"I'd like to think so. You talk as if you've known each other a long time. I don't recall him mentioning you."

Joss refused to let the comment get under her skin. She knew John would have mentioned her. Even if he just made a reference to her. "John and I _have_ known each other for several years. We've been really good friends for most of that time."

"Is that all you were? Friends?"

"Yes. Good friends. We worked together and…" Joss stopped herself. "Truth is I think we both had feelings for each other and wanted to be more than that. But work and other things made it complicated to admit how we felt and to try a relationship."

Iris shifted. John had _never_ dated her? She hadn't expected that. "So is that why you left him?"

Joss frowned. What was she talking about? What had John told this woman?

"That's what happened isn't it? He mentioned there was someone he cared about who was no longer around. Did you abandon him because _you_ couldn't handle a relationship?"

There was that accusing tone again. "No. John was helping me with an investigation. I thought it was over and that we could finally move forward… together. But we were ambushed one night. I was shot in the chest. John thought I died. Unbeknownst to him I was kidnapped. I recovered from the shot to the chest, but was then forced to assist the man who kidnapped me." The look of anger slowly faded as Iris's face twisted into confusion.

"I was gone two years. Two years that John thought I was dead. I would've _never_ left him like that."

"I… I can't believe…" she shook her head. "He used to talk about a woman," she sighed her eyes closing as if she had revealed too much. "Well he mentioned a woman that was important to him who wasn't in his life anymore. I guess he just somehow forgot to mention the little fact that he thought she was dead."

Joss teased her lip. So John had talked about her. But hadn't mentioned her death at all? Why would he withhold the truth if this woman meant something to him? He could've been honest without telling her every detail.

Taylor peered around the wall seeing his mom and Iris talking. At last he could see her. The woman John had kept hidden and had tried moving on with. He shook his head. What had John been thinking? It was obvious she didn't belong in their world.

John had been more desperate than Taylor realized.

Thankfully from the way the conversation was going it didn't seem as if Iris had come here to cause problems. He supposed he could make his presence known now. After all he might never get a chance to speak to this woman again. He took a few steps back. Waiting a beat before walking loudly into the room giving the women on the other side of the wall a fair warning before he appeared.

"Oh Taylor there you are. I was wondering where you'd gone." Joss pinned him with a look. "This is Iris, she's a friend of John's. Iris, this is my son Taylor."

Taylor shook Iris's hand. "Nice to meet you."

"You too."

"So you've worked with John?"

She nodded. "It was a little while ago. I don't think you and your mother were in the picture at the time." For the first time she did not reference Joss's absence from John's life in a negative way. Instead she spoke matter of factly.

Taylor quickly eyed his mom. She still seemed rather confident in what she knew about John. Even though seconds ago she was shocked that John had never mentioned his mother's absence from his life was due to her 'death'.

"Um no I'm sure I was around when John met you," Taylor challenged gently. "If you hired him as a private detective then I definitely was around. You see I work with John. I have almost since my mom's- well what we _thought_ was her death." The surprised look returned. "I'm guessing we never met because he chose to work your case alone. He does that sometimes."

Iris's eyes darted back and forth between mother and son. "You mean John has kept in touch with your son? This entire time? They worked that closely?"

"Yeah. John and I are family. He's been there for me. We helped pull each other through… after my mom was gone."

"He's right. I owe John a lot. Especially where he," she nodded her head towards Taylor, "is concerned. Before my disappearance John always respected Taylor. But being back I see now that he loves my son like his own. He's been the parent my kid has needed while I was gone." Joss felt like she was doing more talking than Iris. But oddly her talking seemed to get more answers from Iris than her questions.

Iris's brow pinched tightly. "I…" she let out a loud breath looking to Taylor. "He never mentioned you. Not once." She sounded truly confused and Joss pitied her for a moment. Had John told her anything about himself at all? Anything that was real! Based on Iris's information- or lack of thereof- it seemed like her relationship with John had been going nowhere.

"John never told you about Taylor?"

She shook her head reluctantly. "He never talked as if there was any one, he had in his life that he considered family. Now that I think back, he never came right out and said he didn't have anyone. I guess I assumed. And he never corrected me."

She clenched her jaw and blinked as her heart felt very heavy. Her eyes roamed the room looking for a distraction. Her gaze landed on a picture frame sitting on an end table. Without asking she picked up the picture. "When was this taken? If you don't mind my asking."

"At our wedding." Joss watched Iris stare at the picture of her and John. A look of awe on her face.

Iris couldn't believe what she saw. John looked so happy. His smile, so wide and broad, reached all the way to his eyes. Transforming his face into a look of pure joy. "I've… never seen him look like this." Her heart felt even heavier as she finally understood. "I didn't really know him. Not at all." She said to herself forgetting Joss and Taylor were in the room. She turned to Joss.

"He knew you were the one." She spoke the words like they were a revelation to her. "He never stopped wanting you Jocelyn. I may have known very little about him," she returned the picture to its proper place, "but I know without doubt that he loved you. Always. He might have thought you were dead, but you were never out of his mind."

Like it or not Joss found herself clinging to every word Iris reluctantly spoke. She had thought this woman to be her rival. Was this revelation her way of saying that she had never been competition?

"You make him happy. Probably the only one who can, and I think he knew that. Which is why he was able to marry you so quickly. He had no reason to hesitate." She sighed. "Congratulations on your marriage."

Iris suddenly shook herself. "I'm sorry I have taken up entirely too much of your time. Thank you both for being so kind. It was a pleasure Taylor. Jocelyn."

She quickly moved her feet darting towards the door. Joss and Taylor rushed after her.

"I thought you wanted see John."

Iris did not stop. "No I have all the answers I need…" her voice trailed off as the door opened and John entered. Iris stopped in her tracks her face paling.

Only a beat passed before John looked up and stared at the three faces before him. Unable to hide his confusion. " _Iris_?"

She took a breath forcing her body to relax and smiled. "John. How nice to see you. Don't mind me I was on my way out."

"Wha-"

"I met your wife and your stepson. You have a wonderful family John. They've been so kind to me and filled me on quite a few… interesting things."

John blinked. What was she doing here? But deep down he knew the answer. "Iris I-"

She held up a hand. "Please John. I came here and I see that you were right. Everything you said the last time we spoke was right. You knew your situation better than I did and my advice wouldn't have suited you." She glanced back at Taylor and Joss. "You are where you belong. You did the right thing." She tried to reassure him as her eyes filled with tears. Embarrassed that she had not heeded his warning to move on and placed herself in this position to realize their relationship had been founded on half-truths.

John gave her a look of compassion. He had wanted to spare her this hurt.

"Congratulations John."

"Thank you Iris."

She gave him a sad smile. Then looking back at Joss. "Thank you. For taking good care of my friend." She walked to the door with one last look at John. "Goodbye John."

The door closed softly behind her. Leaving John still confused at her sudden reappearance.

He turned to Joss, multiple questions forming on his lips. But before he could speak, she was in front of him pulling his head down.

She gave him a deep kiss not caring if Taylor looked on.

"Joss?" he questioned, when she pulled back, a trace of fear and concern in his voice. Growing more alarmed at the tears that now appeared in her eyes. "What was that…"

She blinked away the tears as she looked in those blue eyes that had entranced her from the moment she saw him in the precinct those years ago. "Thank you," she said voice breaking. Knowing now that although she had been gone, he truly had never forgotten about her. "For always thinking of me."

 **THANK YOU again everyone for EVERY review. They all mean so much to me and are a huge inspiration. I appreciate them no matter how small or large. I can't believe I actually finished this story. Like I said this was an old idea, but I finally wrote it out. Some of the reviews from Jealous Much challenged me to write a longer story so this was my shot at it and I'm glad I finished. (Whew!) I hope you enjoyed the journey. Thanks for being patient with updates. Thanks again for the reviews and for reading!**


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